Recommended Resources

Jeff Crippen’s  21 sermon series on abuse

National (USA) Domestic Violence Hotline http://www.thehotline.org/

Lundy Bancroft’s main website lundybancroft.com and his blog lundybancroft.blogspot.com

Barbara Roberts’ website  Not Under Bondage
Summaries of Barbara’s teachings on divorce and remarriage:
The Bible DOES allow divorce for domestic abuse
Does 1 Cor 7:10-11 mean a victim of abuse can’t remarry?

Anna Wood’s personal blog on domestic abuse  At the end of myself , at the feet of Jesus

Steven Tracy  Mending the Soul (book and website)

 

Recommended Reading

All pastors and anyone who intends to give counsel to people who come to you asking for help with an abusive marriage, should read all of the following books (In addition to A Cry for Justice, of course!).  When you do so, you will find yourself becoming more and more able to recognize the mentality and tactics of the abuser and to know when you are talking to a victim of abuse.  You will also have learned how to help the victim and how to avoid being duped by or enabling the abuser.

1.  Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. After A Cry for Justice (which calls your attention to the problem) turn to Bancroft.  He is the best writer on this subject and this single book will take you far in your journey to wise up to the deceptions of abusers.  Note:  Bancroft’s books contains some vulgar language because he quotes abusers.

2.  The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans.  This is not as detailed as Bancroft, but it is an excellent introduction, focusing on verbal abuse.  It includes a very good questionnaire tool to help the reader evaluate their own relationships.

3.  When Dad Hurts Mom by Lundy Bancroft.  This is a kind of “part 2” after Bancroft’s Why Does He Do That?  It provides even more insight into abuse, focusing upon the effects on children whose mother is being abused, teaching her how she can help them.  It also goes into some detail about tactics use by abusers in the court system.

4.  Fool-Proofing Your Life by Jan Silvious.  Building upon the Book of Proverbs in the Bible, Silvious teaches us that abusers (fools) are not your normal brand of sinner and cannot be handled with typical methods we might use for dealing with other people.

5.  In Sheep’s Clothing by George Simon, Jr.  Simon’s book, along with Character Disturbance, is just excellent.  Like Bancroft (and Robert Hare, #7), Simon understands the mentality of the sociopath.  In this book, he deals with the covert abuse and its tactics.   I love this guy!

6.  Character Disturbance by George Simon, Jr.  Building on In Sheep’s Clothing, Simon focuses now more upon the sociopath/psychopath – the person with no conscience.  Many abusers fall into these categories.  Any abuse victim reading this book is very likely to say “he is describing my situation!”

7.  Without Conscience by Robert Hare.  Robert Hare is a leader in the field of criminal and abnormal psychology.  He has designed the most reliable tool used for testing for psychopaths.  This is a must-read book.

8.  Not Under Bondage: Biblical Divorce for Abuse, Adultery and Desertion, by Barbara Roberts.  Barbara, having come out of an abusive relationship herself, wasn’t getting any help from her fellow Christians. So she set out to find for herself what the Bible really says about divorce, specifically in relation to abuse.  This book will help victims throw off the unbiblical traditions they have been in bondage to and get free from their abusers.

9.  Released From Shame by Sandra D. Wilson.  Shame is an wicked ally of abuse.  Writing from a Christian perspective, Wilson teaches us about shame, about its causes, and how to be free from it.

10.  Dead by Sunset by Ann Rule. Yes, this is a “true-crime” story, but I recommend every young woman read it, and also anyone who is seriously interested in seeing real-life abuse by a psychopathic man named Bradly Morris Cunningham who murdered his wife right here in my home state in 1986.  Free of any restraints of conscience, Cunningham devastated the lives of intelligent, talented women and just about everyone else around him.  His ability to deceive and manipulate was incredible.  Read this book and grow wise!

11.  The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout.  I found myself writing down quote after quote while reading this book.  Stout introduces us to the reality that conscienceless people are far more numerous than we realize, and she helps us learn to recognize their mentality and tactics, and how we must deal with them.

12.  Divorce and Remarriage in the Church by David Instone-Brewer.  This is by far the best book on the issue of marriage, divorce, and remarriage that I have found.  He has an accompanying volume entitled Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible.  Have you ever wondered if wedding vows mean anything at all?  Why do we seem to think that the contract/covenant of marriage is the only one in human society that the contractors can break as much as they want,  yet the wronged party can do nothing about it?  This book clears up questions like this and more.

13.  So You are a Believer… Who has been through Divorce…: A Myth-Busting Biblical Perspective on Divorce by Joseph Pote.  This is a wonderful book written by a man who has been through the fire, forced to search the Scriptures for himself regarding divorce for abuse.

14. He Loves Me Not? by Joanne Robinson – for Christian women preparing for dating and marriage relationships and those recovering from a break up or divorce.

15. Why Is He So Mean To Me? by Cindy Burrell – good for women who are just on the cusp of realizing they might be being abused

16. Would the Real Church PLEASE Stand Up? by Susan Greenfield – survivor account of fleeing from her abusive pastor husband

17. Behind the Hedge, by Waneta Dawn – a novel about domestic abuse

18. Broken and Battered, by Muriel Canfield – the author tells the stories of  two Christian survivors, one of whom was married to a pastor, the other to an extreme narcissist.

Other Resources: multimedia, training materials, handouts &  flyers

Through the Eyes of a Battered Woman  – a moving audio visual by a survivor

Forgiveness  – a sermon by Bob Kerry explaining what forgiveness is and what it is not.

Checklist for Repentance – to help you discern genuine repentance from phoney repentance

Are You Walking on Eggshells? – flyer to help women understand what they are suffering, and encourage them to disclose

Why Didn’t You Leave? – explaining the reasons why women stay

Unhelpful Comments by Well-Meaning People – and how to respond to them – a coaching clinic for survivors

Still Married in the Sight of God? –  how this notion has affected the Christian church

Domestic Abuse Training for Busy Pastors

Resources from Calgary Women’s Emergency Shelter – we specially recommend their PDFs Honoring Resistance, and Choosing to Change

What’s the Difference Between Normal Marital Conflict and Abuse? – by Jeff Olson

When Love Hurts – RBC video series,  Steven Tracy is one of the presenters

Domestic Violence in Popular Culture – 7 part video series by Lundy Bancroft (the link goes to Part 1)