New Users’ Information

How to use this blog

Confidentiality

Be mindful when making comments that this is a public blog so your children or family members may see your comments either now or in years to come. This blog is not like a forum where passwords are required. For those who want a password protected forum, we have some links to FORUMS which you can find by scrolling down while looking at the right hand side bar.

The blog is in some ways like a support group for survivors but without the promise of mutual confidentiality that you have in support groups where everyone promises “What is said here, stays here.”  We encourage readers to be aware of balancing risks and benefits when using a blog like this.

Also, bear in mind that on the web there is no such thing as complete immunity from hackers. We wish there were!

How to submit a comment – either anonymously, with a screen name, or your real name

When you hit the “reply” icon, a comment box appears. Under the comment box it says “Fill in your details below/click an icon to log in:”
There are three lines:

  1. a line for your email address
  2. a line that says “name”
  3. a line that says “website”

What you write in the second line will be your “screen name” when the comment is published.
You can write any name you chose in the second line. You can write a pseudonym, or “Anonymous,” or your real name. It’s totally up to you.

Your email address will never be shown publicly on the blog; only the Administrators and Editors of A Cry For Justice will be able to see your email address  from the ‘editorial back-room’ of the blog. They can also see you ISP (the internet provider you use); this is the default way WordPress works.

Your may like to read our Publishing Policy to learn about how we moderate comments.

To follow comments on a particular post

To be informed about new comments that come in on a post, you have to comment yourself at that post and then tick the little box that says “notify me of follow up comments via email”.
It’s quite okay to just write as your comment  “I’m ticking the box”  if that’s all you want to say. You don’t have to wax lyrical!

Commenting on older posts

Feel free to submit a comment to any post, no matter how old the post is.

Nesting of comments, and how to reply to a particular comment

The blog is set to nest up to three levels of comment within a thread. Visually it looks a little like this, but I have had to use lines to show the indentation:

THE POST ITSELF

Person A’s  comment is set to the left margin  (a level one comment)
reply

___ Person B comments on A’s ( a level two comment)
reply

_______Person C comments on B’s comment  ( a level three comment)
There is no ‘reply’ option after a level three comment.

handy tip:   If you have commented on the thread and ticked the ”notify me of follow up comments via email” box, you will get an email for each new comment that comes in on that thread. If you click on the REPLY box in the email  notification, your comment will be published underneath the comment you are replying to.  

If you comment at the bottom of the thread in the box where it says “Leave a Reply” your comment will be a level one comment. It will not be nested inside previous comments.

It doesn’t matter much if your comment ends up in the wrong place in a thread. But to clarify things, it’s helpful to refer to another comment by the person’s name or by quoting some of what they wrote. Readers can usually make sense of things and put two and two together. :)

We try to stay on topic in a thread, but we don’t always manage it.

Gravatars

When you submit a comment, WordPress adds a gravatar for you  – a little square box with a symmetrical colored pattern in it. These colored images are generated automatically by WordPress. Some people have a photo as their gravatar:  to do this you upload a photo to your WordPress account.

If you comment anonymously or by using a screen name rather than you real name, you may occasionally wish to submit a comment without your usual gravatar showing next to the comment. There are two ways to achieve this:

1. You can email the comment to Barb, Jeff C or Megan telling us which post you want it added to. So if I (Barb) add your comment on that post, it will appear with my gravatar (my photo) but I will say, “This comment was sent to me privately and I’m submitting it here on behalf of the commenter who wished to remain anonymous.” Some of our readers have done that when commenting on sexual abuse matters because they didn’t want their normal gravatar to be linked to such a personal disclosure.

2. You could create an entirely new WordPress account (call it account Y) using a different email address. WordPress will generate a different gravatar for your Y account. If normally you are logged in to your WordPress account X and comment from there by default, we guess you would have to log out of your X Account and log in to your Y Account, then make the comment on our blog. This is guessing on our part, if you know a better way to do it or to explain it, please let us know.

Language to avoid

Kindly refrain from using language that would be offensive to our readers — any word that people like school teachers would consider a swear word or a vulgar term, and use of the Lord’s name as an expletive or a simple expostulation.

Removing comments that you have made

If you want us to remove or modify any comment you have made, please email one of us.

Please give your email a descriptive subject line if you are emailing us. “Please change my comment” is not very descriptive. Neither is “From Susan.”   A descriptive subject line would be “Please change my comment on the ‘Gaslighting’ post.”  A good subject line helps us sort through our inboxes and keep track of things. And if you can give us a link to the page or post you are referring to that helps even more.

16 Comments

  1. i am very interested in this website, can i link into it, i am currently involved in a situation where i am talking about abuse, only to discover the person i am discussing it with may also have been abused. can you advise me

    • Dear Christine, Sorry I only just saw your comment here!
      We welcome people linking to our blog. We also are happy for you to re-post our posts.

  2. However I will say to the world of bloggers in general (not you, Christine) that we have had one or two people re-post stuff from our blog onto their own blogs, and when we’ve checked their blogs we find we don’t approve of what they seem to be on about.
    We can’t stop perpetrators of abuse from re-posting our stuff, but we don’t give them any oxygen for doing so, so we trash the automatic notification that says “Re-posted on blah-de-blah-wordpress.com.”

  3. Patti

    I wish I had known then what I know now 7 years post divorce. What I have seen on this site is so right on the mark. When I tell anyone what I went through in my marriage, it even sounds unbelievable to me. Even post divorce it tooks me years to fully grasp what I experienced and the denial I had been in to deal with it. The Church and Christian friends were not helpful. They couldn’t possibly understand even while they said they did and condemned me to a life alone because I divorced. In effect, I was to be punished for my husband’s sins. I so wish I had had this site to come to then before the life within me had died. Maybe someday….

    • MeganC

      Patti — We are so glad you landed here on our blog today. I think you will find much support here from those who have walked a similar journey with you. I have to believe that the life within you had not died, or God would not have brought you here. Please stick with us . . . read with us . . . converse with us. You have a story to tell. Big hugs to you.

  4. Question: wordpress has a function where you can ‘like’ a post, but it has to be enabled, and it appears not to be enabled here, or at least, I can’t find it. Is it turned off for some reason, or am I really blind again? I would like to be able to like certain posts because then they are automatically bookmarked on my wordpress profile for me to find again.

  5. Thanks Kagi,
    I’ll ask our anon helper (who has been re-doing all our tags and categories) to look into this and see if we can get a like button up for our readers.

  6. Thanks very much to both of you for the quick attention and clarification, that was nice. I find a lot of times I don’t have a lot contribute, or what I wanted to say has already being said, but I thought this particular feature might be a tremendous help for the ones who love reading this kind of thing and would like to throw in their two cents but don’t want to leave a comment that’s basicallly ‘yeah, sure, everything they said”….in an argument or even discussion it doesn’t actually get you very far. XD

    • Jeff Crippen

      You’re welcome, Kagi.

  7. Eyesopen

    I just found this site! What a God-send to read other stories like mine. My husband of only three years hass been sexually abusing me and after reading the “why does he do that?” book and highlighting and noting examples almost every chapter, I feel as though my eyes have been opened. I am not crazy! I confronted him Friday over the phone and he is desperately trying to get me to couples counseling next week so we can work on “our” issues
    Thank you for this site

    • Hi Eyesopen, welcome to the blog! Yes, you are not crazy. We have a tag for ‘couples counseling’ if you want to read more about its dangers, but it sounds like you are well and truly aware that couples counseling is not recommended in domestic abuse because you’ve read Lundy’s wonderful book. If I had let myself use a highlighter I would have highlighted most of the text in Why Does He Do That ! So I know what you mean :)

    • Barnabasintraining

      Hi Eyesopen.

      I found Lundy’s book profoundly helpful too.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Eyesopen -and as you probably already know, couples’ counseling is not for abuse cases. It is his issue to deal with – you aren’t the problem.

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