Prayer Requests

We at A Cry For Justice desire to come along side those of you who have been wounded by abuse. We strive to do this through our teachings and through praying for the victims that we are aware of.  If you wish to remain anonymous, please feel free to do so.

Pray for Robin, March 31, 2012 -  ”Belle, you ask a question that I have asked as well. I often feel akin to a widow. The only adult male influence in my children’s lives is an abusive father, who rarely spends time with them, but when he does he manipulates their tender hearts. I and my children have no family close by – no uncles, no grandfathers, no cousins that can be a godly example for my children. I feel left alone by those in the church (and they are aware of our family situation). And, I am not the only woman in our church that has been abused, nor the only woman to have been abandoned by her husband. Where are the godly men that are willing to become a part of these fatherless children’s lives to be an example for them, to show them a “man after God’s own heart?” Understand, I am not seeking a husband or a step-father for my children, but men that can influence and mentor my children, and demonstrate for them a true Christian faith that reflect’s God’s love for them.”

Pray for Lisa, March 30, 2012 –  ”As a Christian woman who suffered in an abusive marriage for 16 years and is currently in the midst of a divorce from my abuser, I will affirmatively state that an abuser will not just go away! They are indeed all about power and control. My abuser is fighting for custody (and has been given every other weekend “supervised” by his own brother in a temp order) and greater visitation of the children he abused; he is not providing financially at all and yet left me with the debt; he is demanding more of our household belongings. He even fought for and got my restraining order dropped and a no contact order placed against me. My attorney who thinks all of this is grand is a professing Christian but constantly ridicules me and minimizes abuse of all kinds. My church has been absentee the entire past year since my husband walked out of the house. Yes, my husband did leave the home once the children and I stood together and said that he could not treat us that way anymore; however, he changed tactics and is still making our lives miserable. They don’t give up. They don’t go away. They find other ways to wound. If a woman is lucky, he might find another woman to become the focus of his abuse, but if a doorway is still open, through children or financial bonds, he will take every drop of power and control the church and the legal system will hand him. Thank you so much for your defense of those who cannot defend themselves!!!”

Pray for Sheryl, April 6, 2012 – “Foreclosure sale 4-11 and not sure exactly when I’ll have to be out (thank Heavens for my family and the family of Christ). No spousal support this month. EHTB has gotten so very mean and vengeful, I hardly know him. I will have a place to live, again thanks to family, but the finances have me frettin’ somethin’ fierce. I am determined to rest in the strength and promises of the Lord, but man’o'man is it a ‘Lord, take my thoughts captive’, moment by moment by moment adventure. Thankfully, I am surrounded by a very supportive family of Christ, both in my church body and in the Christian Motorcyclist’s Association that I minister with. So helpful.”

Pray for Heather, May 21, 2012 – “I am asking everyone to keep me in pray this week we go to court Friday for a pretrial and to set up visitation with the children but half of them do not want to see him. so please pray.”

170 Comments

  1. Pippa

    First, I just want to say thank you for your prayers. I am sure this group is praying for me. I don’t want to be overly confident in current affairs but the EHTB today has signed “marriage dissolutions papers” and parenting plan papers. I had given up asking for “everything” quite some time ago and every time the lawyers got papers together to which he seemed agreeable, he would find one more thing. But today he signed. Granted I had dismissed my attorney and his attorney had gotten to know a bit more of him and they parted ways. But we signed with a notary. Praise God and thank you!

  2. Maree

    I live in a rough area with abusive neighbors and would really appreciate prayers for my safety, the safety of my dog, the protection of my car and protection of my home. I would love to move from this area as it is quite stressful at times. Thank you so much for your prayers.

  3. Heather

    thank you for your prayers today. my husband got supervised visits with the children. not what I would have wanted but its better then him getting visits unsupervised. still a long road ahead keep praying.

    barb I moved the pray request for you.
    Thanks for bringing up some good points. they will meet him at a place called safe haven it was told to me that its to be completly safe because it a place that they rejoin pedifiles with their children. that sounds terrible. he will get to visit 2 children at a time and then will see the baby for an 1 hour each week.

    • Dear Heather, I am ashamed to confess that I only saw your above comment just now. I don’t know why it slipped my attention as I usually get all new comments notified in my inbox. But perhaps because I commented on this Prayer Request page before, and ticked the ‘notify me’ box, I wasn’t aware of what was happening here. Please forgive my oversight

      What a terrible irony that place name “safe haven”. I hope it is truly safe. They probably told you that about the pedophiles to reassure you that the supervisors there are really vigilant, but it had the opposite effect by the sounds of it!

      • Jeff Crippen

        Barbara – I didn’t get an email notification either. Not sure why, but the notifications apparently aren’t fail safe. My apologies to you as well, Heather.

      • Heather

        that is ok I know you are praying. update the children have seen him 6 times and they don’t say anything about the visits. all the children see him at one time because the papers where never given to them s they told me that all the children have to go. the baby after each visit clings to me and will not let me go and he has never seen him till now. I go to court Tuesday so keep praying

    • Thanks Heather I’ll pray esp that the paperwork gets to all the right destinations. Seems so unfair that the baby has to go too, when you left before it was born.

  4. Anonymous

    My ex and I separated 9 months ago and were divorced last month. Over the past 9 months the fog has been lifting, not without a struggle, but yes, lifting. What I have learned through prayer, scripture, counselors, books, and this blog has been like a healing balm. There is clarity. My confidence is coming back, my self-esteem is rising, and my sense of boundaries is becoming stronger… I am not crazy! I feel strong! But then…

    Today would have been my 30th anniversary. At 9:29 this morning the blow arrived: “I’m sorry u felt the need to be a quitter, best thing is God will never leave me or quit cuz He loves unconditionally…”

    I never experienced physical abuse during our marriage, but the blow that came through the phone today really hit hard. The text didn’t leave black and blue marks; it didn’t send me to the hospital. But it did pierce deep into my heart. It did send me to my knees. It did knock out of me all of the strength and confidence that has been building over the past 9 months. The wound is gaping and has released a flood of old thoughts that I believed I had buried: Am I crazy? Maybe I’m the one that doesn’t get it. Maybe I didn’t try enough, love enough, submit enough…Maybe? Am I the quitter?

    I didn’t have a problem with his most recent shoves, his sarcastic text last week, or his intimidating behavior at our last court hearing. I’ve had confirmation after confirmation about my decision to divorce. Whether it was finding out that within weeks of our separation he was contacting other women, that he now has a “steady” girl, or being told by my ex’s counselor that my ex has stopped coming for advice. My ex’s final words to the counselor being, “You almost had me convinced I was wrong, but I’m not.”
    With these and all the other events that confirm his hardened heart, why does this bother me so much? Why do I care what he thinks or what he says? (I thought I had this people-pleasing thing taken care of.)

    I ask for your prayers… it hurts! Likewise I will pray (I am already on my knees from the blow). I will pray that God strengthens all abuse victims through the good days and the bad days as we ride the roller coaster of events and emotions in our journey out of the fog. And especially on days when the proverbial rug gets pulled out so unexpectedly, so suddenly, and we find ourselves in a heap, feeling like we have to start all over again.

    • Dear Anon, I shall pray for you. The poisoned barbs from the evil tongued man can slide deep into our souls, when we least expect it. They seem to know just how and where to shoot the arrows, so as to find our most tender places. You are not the quitter. HE is. He always was the quitter when it came to doing what is right, just and good.
      And no matter how much he might crow that “God will never leave me!” he is wrong. He cannot command or control God!
      God despises and will judge the wicked man who oppresses others.
      I am praying that Jesus will carry you through this storm and pour His balm on your hurting places. Love from Barb

    • Jeff Crippen

      Anon- It really is amazing, isn’t it? We know that we are right, yet we have to keep going back to the facts and review them because those flaming missiles of evil come, like the one from your ex, and they rile up all kinds of emotional storms that cause doubts about reality. There must be some psychological explanation for that phenomenon – maybe it is some kind of PTSD thing? The thoughts of doubt were so long associated intimately with the emotions, so when the emotions are triggered so is all the false guilt and so on? Truth and the shield of faith is the protection. The simple fact is — you are a victim/survivor and he is the abuser. You are right and he is evil. And you have done the right and courageous thing in separating yourself from evil.

    • D.Anne Pierce

      Dear Anon,
      I know all too well what you are going through and I will keep you in my prayers. I pray that God will anoint you and grant you serenity, and strength.
      D. Anne

  5. Jenny

    Please pray for myself and my children. I am divorced from my abusive ex husband and he continues to abuse both myself and the children. I have exhausted all legal avenues. He has recently become engaged to his live in partner and she is abusive also. Please pray for healing from PTSD. the children come back from access retraumatised and with extreme and disturbing behavioural and sleep issues. We are getting all the help we can but it is exhausting and wears us down. He is alienating them and poisoning them against me and telling them to disobey and disrespect me. He passes threats through them and my toddler is physically neglected. He is trying to turn them away from God. Please pray for healing and physical, emotional and spiritual protection. Please pray that he would repent. Also for a fair outcome with no abusive repercussions to my recent child support change application. And that I will hold on to Jesus. Thankyou.

    • D.Anne Pierce

      Father, please protect Jenny and her children! You love them deeply and you hurt when your children hurt. Give jenny wisdom as she deals with her ex and help her to know how to talk to her children, guiding them and building them up. Give Jenny peace and serenity Father! Give her rest, and support from good friends. Amen.

  6. Thank you Jenny, I will pray for all those things. I went through many of those same things, minus the new partner of my ex. (To my knowledge, my first husband has never re-partnered.) In situations like yours it is not PTSD you are dealing with, it is CTSD = Continuing Traumatic Stress Disorder. Often all you can do is barely manage to tread water, and you need to remember to pat yourself on the back for managing to do that. How can one recover when one is continually being abused? One can’t; one can only manage the continuing and ever changing crisis as best one can.
    The way the legal system fails people like you is appalling. I think it’s worse in the USA than it is here in Oz. God will judge those who have wickedly neglected the oppressed and the vulnerable, but that doesn’t make it easier to live with in the present, I know. ((((hugs)))
    By the way, his new partner is probably abusive because he has told her heaps of lies about you. In time, she will be his next victim, and one day you may even be good friends with her, as you help her lick her wounds and recover from what that man will do to her. Lundy Bancroft talks about this in his book, as does the book Broken and Battered.

  7. Laeli

    I am in desperate need of overwhelming Emotional healing and restoration for myself, my mother and my sister. And for the presence of Yahweh’s Justice to manifest itself in every area of my life, and in every relationship of mine. I need Justice especially in my relationship with my mother. Recently I came to understand that she has been emotionally abusive to me my entire life. It is because she herself is damaged. She has been abused her entire life by her parents and my father, an alcoholic, who was verbally abusive. They abused each other. My dad took his life 5 years ago. My mother was devastated.

    So there are reasons of course for my mothers behavior. But her background does not justify her ill treatment of me (20 years old) or my sister (15 years old) And I cannot allow the abuse anymore. I need divine connections and all the help I can get to put an end to the oppression, to the pointing finger and malicious talk (isaiah 58:9-14). And to put and end to the chaos as far as it affects my life. I cannot allow abuse or chaos. Please pray that I would have a pure heart in line with the Holy Spirit, and strength and courage to assert myself and stand and set every appropriate Boundary I need to. Pray that I would allow Yahweh to fight for me (ex 14:14). To bring JUSTICE to my life. I cannot change others I know, nor do I want to, but as far as my life, I cannot have injustice of any kind. That includes no abuse, nor ill treatment of myself or others, and maybe standing up to the abuser. I need help. “The work of justice will be peace…” isaiah 32:17, james 3:18. Thank you for praying with me.

    • Heather

      I will keep you in my prays. I to have come to find that my mother is an abuser and right now she lives with me. your message here has spoken to me and i will uphold you in prayer God Bless

    • D.Anne Pierce

      Laeli, you are right that your mother’s background does not justify her abuse to you. “Father please grant Laeli wisdom as she deals with her mother, help her to set healthy boundaries, to put distance between herself and her mother when it is needed, and most of all surround her with your love”.

  8. Dear Laell
    I hear your cry and I will pray with you, Our Saviour is constantly praying for us and every petition we make is perfected by and through Him. I think it’s good that you are asking for God’s help with these things, and asking Him for courage and strength to help you stop this generational cycle of abuse, in purity of heart.
    As you say, you cannot change others. Because others often don’t or won’t change, we cannot always bring the abuse to a complete stop, and we may not find full vindication and justice in this world. It may be necessary for you to find a way, with God’s help, of accepting the lack of justice in this fallen world. He will bring full justice and vindication, at the end of time.
    However, I am guessing you know this already, and I hear that you’re asking God for strength and discernment to draw firm boundaries so that you can put up walls against the tactics of your abuser(s) insofar as it is safe and possible to do so, and to help you walk the path of health, purity and personal integrity, following the ways of God, not the models set by the abusers. (correct me if I’ve got this wrong)
    Bless you, and thank you for sharing your heart’s cry with us.

  9. Little Miss Me

    Big day legally coming up for me and my children. Asking for prayers that this will be a turning point and we will be able to take healing steps away from the torment, that it will not be a prolonged legal battle, that I can begin to live without fear, and that the children can make it through this difficult time knowing they are loved and wonderful.

  10. Certainly, I will pray for that LMM.

  11. no name please

    Please pray. My ex has recently lost his job and has not paid child support twice now. I am working every hour I possibly can but because I have not worked in years my salary is very low and …I am just exhausted. Trying to figure out how to pay for car insurance and gas so I can keep working. It doesn’t help that that one day I get “cutesy” emails from him like we are friends and the next day he rips into me because I ask about money. Add to that I have to miss church and corporate worship because of work…again, I am just so tired! I just want a break. a few weeks of rest, no stress, time to heal. and am really angry that I’m not getting it. Trying to walk in faith and am tired. I can’t even post my name because the idiot goes on these sites sometimes and claims he understands everything!!!

    • Have prayed and will keep praying. I’m glad you shared and vented with us here.
      It’s horrible being exhausted and not being able to rest up.

    • Laurie

      Praying….

      Sigh…my heart aches for you. I understand your exhaustion.

    • Little Miss Me

      Oh! Praying for you! May you get your rest and find your strength and enjoy your peace – and soon!

      I can totally relate to the unbalanced emails and craziness. It’s so hard because I know it doesn’t mean anything and he has no control over me, but I have to read them because he sneaks in information about the children in there and he will blame me if I miss something.

  12. Robin

    No Name Please – Praying for you. I understand the complete and utter exhaustion, the need for someone to understand and lend a helping hand so you can rest and heal. It is so hard.

  13. Pepe

    My husband has a hard heart. 32 years married…D Day 2006 discovered his 14 yr adultery wherein they PLANNED the birth of their two children! Nearly killed me …I homeschooled our three children and totally supported my husband through is career. I was in ministry for 15 years when we met …married , after the first two years he turned from the faith …invested his heart , soul and life into his career where he was surrounded by women . His ego grew larger ..he rejected Christ but kept the false front of being a ‘great husband and father’ to all on the outside while keeping his mistress then hiring her to work with him ….become his partner. He bought her a house , a luxury car while moving us into a smaller cramped home that needed a lot of work . After two years after D Day ‘working ‘ on our marriage he seemed to lose interest in the ‘work’ …then two more years later he confessed to having lied more and having reconnected just for the children . Upon his confession he moved out of our bedroom to the upstairs …Our children …now grown ..still live with us …did not date …believe in purity …This has rocked us all …yet our faith remains…Many moves have left us disconnected ….without any relationships. Isolation ..no family ..HIs family does not know about his adultery …I just found out he had TWO other adulteries WHILE still carrying on with his mistress!

    So many details coming out now …He is a liar ..a cheat …and had spent money that our family needed on this woman …now still paying support which I agreed he should ..not on any ‘books’ ….He has been confronted by me with all that he KNOWS is what the Bible says ..and he says he just wants to die and go to Hell….He would rather DIE and go to Hell than live rightly …even if only for the children ….ours and the others…He is without sorrow that leads to repentance.,..He does however pay the bills….I am now past retirement age and have been out of the work force for many years….He has told me I am OCD and that he should have confronted me years ago …I asked what he felt was OCD …and he told me it was my faith …I had too much of my life centered upon Jesus Christ…He has preferred those who are superficial , interested in profit and sexual activities….with NO moral boundaries…..I have more I could share but I am sorrowing AGAIN tonight….Sometimes this kind of thing is so hard to identify because he is such a charming and great guy to all others…..even our children are shaking their heads now that they know what he is capable of doing …It is like he has enjoyed the ‘compartmentalization’ idea…it suited him so that he could have all these multiple secret
    lives! Didn’t GOD call us to UNITY ? Isn”t the Lord Himself ONE?

    I ask for prayer for me and my family …strength and wisdom and deliverance for this man who seems to have become another person right under all of our noses!

    • Dear Pepe. I hear your pain. The devastation of discovering this, and then trying to ‘work’ at the marriage only to find that he was lying and still cheating all along, and never had his heart in repentance.
      I will pray for you and your children, but honestly, I can’t pray for your husband. From what you’ve said, he comes under the category of the kind of sinner we are NOT called to pray for.
      1 John 5:16 If anyone sees his brother committing a sin not leading to death, he shall ask, and God will give him life—to those who commit sins that do not lead to death. There is sin that leads to death; I do not say that one should pray for that. (ESV)

      I suggest you let yourself off the hook of praying for your husband, and just focus on your own recovery and emotional rebuilding. The rebuilding of the wall in Nehemiah may be a scripture that speaks to you. ((Hugs)) from Barb

  14. Pepe

    Thank you Barbara,

    I have often wondered about what this verse meant by a sin that leads to death ….I appreciate your comment and will seek more in the book you have mentioned in Nehemiah.

    I have appreciated this blog and the sites it refers to ….continuing in Christ….Where else for He has the words of life.

    Hugs,
    Pepe

  15. Pepe

    I was wondering how we are to reconcile these verses with the one that seems to say NOT to pray for someone who has ‘sinned unto death’?
    Jesus said…

    Mat 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;

    Luk 6:28 Bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.

    Then again …it seems that there is a distinction …as Jesus prayed the Father in John’s gospel….

    When speaking of the unforgivable sin …aka Blasphemy of the Holy Spirit….talking about the REJECTION of the WORD which is the incorruptible seed which when received with meekness it is able to save one’s soul.

    So then when a person ‘s heart is hard….their ears ‘stopped’ and they refuse to hear and heed…they have rejected the ‘means’ by which the Holy Spirit comes to be in ….by the WORD …hearing ….then heeding …believing as faith cometh BY hearing and hearing BY the word of GOD ….WHO IS Jesus Christ according to Revel

    Rev 19:11 ¶ And I saw heaven opened, and behold a white horse; and HE that sat upon him [was] called FAITHFUL and TRUE, and in righteousness HE doth judge and make war.

    Rev 19:12 His eyes [were] as a flame of fire, and on his head [were] many crowns; and he had a name written, that no man knew, but he himself.

    Rev 19:13 And he [was] clothed with a vesture dipped in blood: and HIS NAME IS CALLED THE WORD OF GOD.

    Then Jesus makes this distinction between those who are HIS and those OF this world….

    Jhn 17:9 I pray for them: I pray not for the world, but for them which thou hast given me; for they are thine.

    So perhaps it is those who refuse the road …reject it …even if they hear it they disobey and do not repent that are not to be prayed for? How do those in this case fit into the category of ‘sinning unto death’ as opposed to being ‘enemies’ or ‘persecutors’ ? Does anyone have any further light on this topic? Just curious..

    I figured if I , his wife …part of the ONE flesh that we are in marriage do not pray for him WHO WILL? And is this what Jesus was commanding us to do ? or is what is recorded in 1 John what we are to do ? Is this reconcilable or is it a contradiction ? I want to understand what the clear teaching of scripture is on this because it is rather important for us to know.

    Thank you ….

  16. Great questions, Pepe. I think I’ll create a new post to answer them. It may take me a few days. But in the meantime, we can know one thing for sure: however we cut the cake on all those scriptures, does not demand anyone suffers abuse from their spouse.

  17. Pepe

    Yes , Thank you Barbara….I am continuing to look into this as well. I agree with you about abuse…and one of the benefits of this site is bringing up the WAYS that abuse appears. It is supportive to know that when we are defiled …yet do not know what or how we are feeling this way …it actually has a basis.

    Tonight as I have been ‘obsessing’ as my husband puts it over his infideilties…..plural …I realize how damaging it has been to my sense of self and womanliness. Sexually I now realize that all the years where he would grudgingly make ‘love’ to me he would then return to his mistress …or go looking for ‘more’ or ‘better” …now I feel humiliated.

    I realize that it really is NOT ME but it still stings that he has told me that he when he married me he did not want to talk so much about the Bible or the Lord or things truth …but wanted more …more “fun” which his life has revealed as to him being alcohol , many women ‘friends’ and sexual ‘variety ‘ . Being a moral man was not his definition of a MANLY MAN….deceptions one upon another …nevertheless …I now feel shamed ….especially since we had sex a few times before he simply decided to live upstairs….guess I did not compare well to the other women ….

    I realize that the truth is not that I was not very ‘good’ in bed…but it was HIS problem …it takes a REAL man to love ONE woman for a lifetime…it takes focus..[ just as God told men] it takes fidelity …it takes keeping their eyes and minds upon their own wife …when not devoting themselves to the Lord and pleasing HIM in all ways.

    The culture is HYPER SEXUAL …thus men may be ‘turned on ‘ all the time or think they should be…this can be a real challenge to women to keep that kind of level of sexuality up …no matter HOW much they like sex

    I loved to make love to my husband but now I am pretty sure that his present attitude and his past variety of women to compare me with …[and he lies telling me it is 'not a competition'! ] shows he has not the first idea of the depth of pleasure God has made available to married men who are willing to submit to the wisdom of GOD concerning relationship to their wife and their sexuality.

    Ken Nair wrote a very wise book ” Understanding the Mind of a Woman ‘ which is absolutely foundational for any man who desires to learn to be content with his wife .

    It is so sad how many women entered our marriage bed without any shame or guilt …because my husband refused to care about how his flirting and relationship skills were hurting me from the very second year of our marriage.

    He is still sad he wasted so many of MY years …says he never should have gotten married…to which I replied…’ SO you could violate other women “…just because someone is SINGLE …and agreeable to have sex does not make it less damaging. Sin KILLS….no matter HOW many people agree to it!

    Every person NOT your spouse is off limits …they belong to GOD and to the person they are married to or GOING to be married to …so NONE of them are ‘free’ for the taking …

    Violating someone elses body …is to voilate the TEMPLE of God ..which is your body …the BODY is HIS …not our own.

    So my husband is still whining about GOD being a big bully and ‘not fair’ …simply does not get the point ….Marriage is a holy relationship with GOD and two who agree to live a NEW life …not the husband’s life …not the wife’s life but a WHOLE NEW LIFE.

    So much I have learned …at least his infidelity drove me into the study of subjects in the word that I had THOUGHT I knew something about …so I am getting my PHD …Piled Higher and Deeper ..as they say!

    Thanks for your comments….I will keep reading …[smile]

  18. coco

    Thank you so much for this blog! I read Barbara’s book in secret over a year ago when looking for answers to my painful marriage. A recent crisis (he took a job in another state) led me to a near breakdown and God provided the way to a Christian counselor who finally told me I wasn’t crazy, I was being abused. After four years of being told by our couples counselor that I just needed to try harder and eventually it would pay off and one day he would start treating me better when he one day felt better about himself. Really. I am serving him with papers Wednesday and am so scared! Please pray for God’s continued provision for me and my children as we go through this process. And thank you so much for providing all the words of encouragement and faith to those like me who have normalized abusive treatment.

    • D.Anne Pierce

      Coco, I can understand how afraid you are about serving your husband papers…things sometimes have to get worse before they can get better. It is something like surgery-it is painful and stressful but ultimately it will bring healing and peace. I pray that God will grant you peace in the middle of this storm and bring you to a place of serenity soon.

    • Remembered you in my prayers this morning (it’s Wed morning here).

    • coco

      Thank you for your prayers. Everything went smoothly, though now I am in for a long road as he is not accepting my decision.

      • Sad about his response, but not surprising. They all dig in their heels if they think it can further annoy us. Glad the paper service went smoothly. One more step. Each step is do-able, one at a time. ((hugs))

  19. Adding you to my prayer list, Coco. Well done for making it this far! The strength that enabled you to get here shows you have the strength to make it the rest of the way. And BTW, that doesn’t mean you might not crumple and cry and crawl up under the bedclothes sometimes! (((hugs))) to you.

  20. Heather

    Coco, I will be praying for you ! My heart is breaking for you and your children right now..

  21. Thanks Pepe, PHD = piled higher and deeper! that’s a new one on me, and I like it.
    Yes, it hurts so much we we come to grips with the awful truth. I’m glad you realise it was not your fault. Your husband is not and never was a believer, by the sounds of it. You are right about sin, and his sins in particular. Sin kills, but those who trust in Christ receive life and healing and everlasting peace. I will pray that all those places where your husband defiled you body and soul will be healed by the gentle hand of our Lord.

  22. Pepe

    Thank you Barbara, good points on what needs prayer petition here ….I will petition for those who are on here as well…..The Lord KNOWS but we still get to speak with Him …which is so very good to know….!!

  23. Pepe

    Thank you so much Barbara….I appreciate your kindness in this exercise of your faith. I will continue as well …so many need this and it is good for us to do as Job did …pray for others….in the details you mentioned I am very blessed to know you are faithful in your offer to pray for me ….HUGS!

  24. laura

    please pray that god helps heal my body,bring me peace,love,happiness,love,longjevity for everyone and will protect my house.please pray that my medical issues will be better and that i will get a financail blessing because im suffering hardships right now.thankyou to everyone who prays for me,and godbless you

    • Pepe

      1Cr 6:19 What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost [which is] in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own?

      God is a great ‘housekeeper’ and your body is HIS HOUSE…..be comforted as He is ever present and never NEVER ‘late’ …..sometimes down to the minute …but sure …hang on and trust in Him . Remember…

      Psa 77:11 I will remember the works of the LORD: surely I will remember thy wonders of old.

      Psa 105:5 Remember his marvelous works that he hath done; his wonders, and the judgments of his mouth;

      Psa 143:5 I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works; I muse on the work of thy hands.

      Isa 46:9 Remember the former things of old: for I [am] God, and [there is] none else; [I am] God, and [there is] none like me,

      FORGET NOT…..

      Psa 103:2 Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:

      Deu 4:31 (For the LORD thy God [is] a merciful God;) he will not forsake thee, neither destroy thee, nor forget the covenant of thy fathers which he sware unto them.

      Isa 49:15 Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.

      Jhn 10:11… I am the good shepherd: the good shepherd giveth his life for the sheep.

      Psa 23:1 [[A Psalm of David.]] The LORD [is] MY shepherd; I SHALL NOT WANT…

      Isa 40:11 He SHALL FEED his flock like a shepherd: he shall gather the lambs with his arm, and carry [them] in his bosom, [and] shall GENTLY lead those that are with young.

      Psa 37:25 I have been young, and [now] am old;

      yet have I NOT seen the righteous FORSAKEN,

      NOR his seed begging bread.

      Psa 104:27 These WAIT all upon thee; that thou mayest give [them] their meat in DUE SEASON.

      Psa 145:15 The eyes of all WAIT upon thee; and thou givest them their meat in DUE SEASON.

      Gal 6:9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in DUE SEASON we shall reap, IF WE FAINT NOT.

      Psa 4:8 I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep:

      for thou, LORD, only makest me dwell in safety.

      Psa 16:7 I will bless the LORD, who hath given me counsel: my reins also instruct me in the night seasons.

      Psa 18:2 The LORD [is] my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, [and] my high tower.

      Psa 32:8 I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.

      Psa 50:15 And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me.

      Psa 55:16 As for me, I will call upon God; and the LORD shall save me.

      Psa 56:3 What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee

      Psa 56:4 In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me.

      Psa 57:2 I will cry unto God most high; unto God that performeth [all things] for me.

      Psa 119:93 I will never forget thy precepts:

      for with them thou hast quickened me.["quicken"= to make alive"]

      Psa 107:20 He sent his WORD, and healed them, and delivered [them] from their destructions.

      Prayers going before the Lord for His glory and your good….

    • Dear Laura
      thanks for asking for prayer. I will pray for you. It sounds like you are having a really hard time right now :(
      Not that it’s the same as what you are going through, but I had a year in my life when I was really sick while I was on treatment for Hep C. The drug side effects were awful. It was often all I could barely do to get through the next minute or five minutes. I was unable to pray for most of that time: prayer seemed only to intensify the mental torment that was going on in my head (one of the side effects of the drugs was depression and brain fog). The only thought that helped me during those times was that Jesus was not letting go of me, even though I couldn’t reach out or talk to him. This gave me comfort and a tiny place of ‘rest’ in the midst of all the pain and suffering. I don’t know whether this will help you right now, but I just felt to share it. Toss it in the bin if it doesn’t relate to you. (((hugs))) from Barb
      BTW, I was very fortunate: the drugs cleared the Hep C virus from my body, so it was all worth it in the end.

  25. Still scared

    Needing prayer. Am overwhelmed with trying to learn a new computer system to do my new job( which I love and am thankful for but technology and me don’t get along). Add to that I have had no child support for going into 5 months now and I don’t know who/where/ how to borrow to get through one more month. My abuser is unemployed so going through courts won’t help much. All this and on Monday I have to face criminal charges for “refusing visitation” for one of my kids. I have not refused visitation, he gets full blown panic attacks and is taller and bigger than me, how am I supposed to force visitation?!?! It is so stupid and logically it shouldn’t be a problem, I am following his counselor’s recommendations but I am worried. Please pray the judge sees through my abuser’s lies and pray he does get a stupid job so he can start paying me.

    • Jeff Crippen

      SS – Got it! This is a great promise from the Lord when we are in tough, tough situations like you are in now:

      Psa 34:3 Oh, magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together!
      Psa 34:4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears.
      Psa 34:5 Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed.
      Psa 34:6 This poor man cried, and the LORD heard him and saved him out of all his troubles.
      Psa 34:7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them.
      Psa 34:8 Oh, taste and see that the LORD is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
      Psa 34:9 Oh, fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack!

      Thanks for letting us know. Praying. Let us know the outcome.

      • Still scared

        Jeff, that was a true answer from the Lord. My parents aren’t believers so whenI was saved at 14, reading the Bible and memorizing scripture was new to me. The first verse I memorized because it meant so much was Psalm 34:4..thank you for being used by God to encourage me.

    • Still scared

      Stupid court …the states attorney wasn’t read so two months from now….I LOVE long drawn out stupidity! ( note sarcasm)

      • SS, my court case (contested custody) was drawn out and delayed multiple times too. But in the end, I could see God’s hand in all those delays. The judge I finally got was a practising Catholic, so he could hear the testimony about me now being a Christian and going to church, and not think that meant I was a nutter.
        If the hearing had happened earlier, I might have had an atheist judge.
        God closed the mouths of the lions for me in that court hearing.
        Even my solicitor and barrister couldn’t believe I won.

  26. I will pray, SS. Thanks for letting us know your situation.

    • It has been a long time since I have asked for prayers from others…..we are safe, physically, life appears as we are moving forward…BUT I live with the everyday anxiety, fear of him showing up on our street, or ANY form of contact would pretty much put me right back into the storm……I have prayed for years for freedom, God has provided that in the physical realm, even though there are NO sure ways to know how long that will last….so I pray for deliverance from every evil, and for God to put protection around my house and children, realistically I find myself praying for financial relief, to never allow him to get us in a situation of his control and my desperation again. To have some means to provide well for my kids……

      I never pray for his change, right or wrong…..I only pray God would defend us from our enemy.
      Pretty sure, I could do better in my prayer life, sometimes I am just at a loss, to even put thoughts into words. All my confidence is in GOD bringing us to where we are, but its so easy to lose that focus!!

      • MR, I love that passage in the Bible about the Holy Spirit groaning in prayer with us. When I can’t pray in words, only yearnings and desperate confusion, I always remember that passage and feel comforted.
        There is a great groan-translation service in the throne room of heaven! It never makes any mistakes!

  27. Karen R.

    Hello,
    Please pray that I not develop resentment toward a friend at church. For the past 3 years or so she has mentored me and knows about my situation with my husband. In August 2012 I left after 20 years including 7 years of counseling, etc. My former therapist suspects my husband is Borderline.
    We (my friend and I) have met monthly for lunch and I believed she was supportive of my choice to set a boundary and seperate from my husband.

    Today we met for lunch and I shared with her that I may be filing for divorce soon as I know my husband won’t change, etc. I gave examples.

    She then said that “You don’t leave your husband.” And she went on to say things along the lines of “Do you think you were always loving to him?” and other statements about the sanctity of marriage and the permanence of marital vows and commitment. I was floored as she knows that my decision was not in any way capricious. I have struggled financially and overall things have been quite difficult for me. I thought she understood and know I don’t know…I thought she was a safe place. It makes me fear that those who I thought supported me really don’t and at the end of the day perhaps they see my struggle as proof of God’s disapproval of my decision.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Dear Karen – Well, we have certainly heard this same story numbers of times before, but it still doesn’t get easier to understand. I don’t know this lady, but the fact is that many times mentors/disciplers don’t evidence their true motives as long as the mentoree remains the mentoree. But once you step out and make decisions yourself, they don’t really like it. You see, as long as you are in some kind of difficulty (ie, abusive marriage) then you “need” such a person’s ongoing help. Again, I cannot know with certainty, but there is a good chance that your mature decision, well-thought out and not made lightly, threatens this lady’s ability to remain your mentor, your rescuer, the one you come to for wisdom. A true discipler recognizes maturity and lets the one they have taught go.

      At a very minimum, this woman absolutely is ignorant to the mentality and tactics of abuse, or she would never say such things to you. But, boy, it is hard when people we have trusted turn out to be unsafe, just when you really need their support.

      One thing that numbers of abuse survivors have told us though, by way of encouragement, is that though they lost friends they thought were friends, the Lord led them into new relationships with new friends – ones who really are safe. We hope that, at least in part, we here at ACFJ and our readers can provide some of that support and friendship for you.

      We really find out what friends are made of when it comes time for us to say to them, “I don’t agree with you on that point. No, I cannot do it your way.”

    • Karen, I don’t think it is wrong for you to be angry with your friend. Anger can be an indication that our boundaries have been violated- that someone has stepped over the line and invaded who we are. In those cases, anger is healthy and helps protect us from harm.

      What she said to you IS violating your boundaries, and worse because she should know better.

      But above all, please don’t accept an extra burden of guilt for how you feel toward this women. You have enough to deal with already. What she said was hurtful, and it is completely normal for you to feel hurt by it. Honestly, she should be ashamed of herself.

  28. Dear Karen, I want to give you a hug. What your ‘friend’ said to you would have HURT. I agree with both the Jeff’s and want to reiterate that it is quite okay to feel angry about the way your friend has judged you and let you down so terribly. She was a trusted friend . . . you had thought she was your supporter. Just goes to show that people can come across as well-meaning and supportive but unless they really understand the full dynamics of abuse AND how grossly out of joint doctrine has been on marital separation and divorce, they are going to let the victim down badly, sooner or later. It’s really hard for you to be finding this out now. But rest assured, your friend is wrong.
    Yes, those who you though were your supporters may now be making all kinds of wrong judgments and interpretations of your situation. Jeff Crippen rightly says that divorce is a litmus test for all theology. If people get that wrong and say that divorce is not allowed for abuse, there are serious fault lines in their theology and their way of interpreting Scripture. You’ve hit the litmus test where the rubber meets the road – by getting ready to file for divorce – so all the preconceptions and misjudgements are now going to be coming out of the woodwork in you so-called friend and supporters.

    I would suggest you don’t put yourself under a burden of guilt about ‘feeling resentful’ towards your friend. Resentment is a form of anger, and anger is not a sin; it’s only a sin if we act anger out in the wrong way. If you use your anger & resentment to permit yourself to form a firmer boundary against your friend – e.g. tell her you don’t agree with her, you felt hurt by her, and please not to take liberties with you and lay advice or judgements on your again – then that will be a creative, strong and godly thing to do with your resentment.

    I honour your resistance to mistreatment, whether it be the mistreatment by your husband or the mistreatment by your ‘friend’. You are refusing to be content with being abused! Well done!

    And keep venting on this blog if you need to! We are here for you. :)

    Oh also, there is a post on this blog you might relate to quite a bit:
    Second Wave Locusts

  29. Still Scared( but getting angry)

    Court is tomorrow. Just prayer that the judge will clearly see the lies the idiot is spewing. And I just need to say another place, I don’t deserve the name I was just called, I don’t deserve the implied threat that came with the email that called me said name. I am walking away from the idiocy in God’s peace!

    • I understand, SS, and will pray. hugs to you.

    • Barnabasintraining

      I prayed for you that the judge will not be fooled and will render a sound and righteous judgment. Please let us know how it goes.

    • Still Scared( but getting angry)

      So the state attorney dropped the case because my ex filed it incorrectly. The state said he can file it again anytime! Frustrated!! The State Attorney also said I am supposed to make visitation happen. How I am supposed to do that with an unwilling 16 yo. I just don’t know. And to add to the insult the idiot walked out saying “I dropped the charges” . Total and complete LIE!! I hate being lied to! The state attorney dropped the charges. anything to make himself look good in front of the kids!

      • Jeff Crippen

        Frustrated with you, SS. You can maybe take a 16 year old to visitation, but you can’t make him visit. Please keep us posted on how things proceed.

  30. Anonymous

    Still Scared,
    No, you are right. You don’t deserve to be called that name. It’s not true. It’s just another of his lies. The truth is – You are Brave…You are Courageous…You are Capable…You are Beautiful…You are the King’s Daughter…You are a Princess! That’s who you are.

    I will be praying for you tomorrow as you go to court, praying for God’s peace to surround you and for the Judge to be discerning. I recently finished with the last of my court trial and hearings. God’s Presence was very evident to me as it will be for you.

    Blessings,

  31. Friendinneed from Europe

    Dear All, It is terrible to read all of your stories, absolutely horrible. Sounds like my daughter and I have been blessed in many ways. I wish I could breathe peace over all of you. Thank you for increasing my vocabulary and understanding.

  32. Gritting my teeth with you, SS!

    • Still Scared( but getting angry)

      Learning to be a duck and let the idiocy roll off my back. Thanks!! :)

  33. Needprayer

    Please pray for this ongoing situation where the ex harasses me by phone or in person. I have indicated that I will not communicate in any form but by email or text, but he won’t agree. He talks when there are handovers, and even when I try to drive away, he sometimes opens a car door when he “suddenly remembers” something else he needs to say.

    The latest is that he wants to take the kids to see his sick mother and phoned to ask about it. I asked him to put the details in an email so I can see the actual dates and times and have a record of it. He said he wouldn’t because his advisors have told him not to. The next time he called I hung up. However, I am afraid that if the kids don’t get to see their grandmother that I will be the bad guy.

    I wish I could just acquiese and put up with him in person or on the phone, like some do. But I find my mind getting twisted, and physiological symptoms of heart rate going up, etc and I just don’t think it is healthy. Even if he tries to play nice, I never know when he will turn sarcastic or drop a veiled insult. Mostly, I don’t want to get drawn into discussions that get me heated up or sucked in.

    Due to the phone call, I missed my appointment with my psychologist and I am quite upset about that, as it would have been handy to de-brief with her. So I thought I’d drop a line here and ask for some prayer support.

    • Jeff Crippen

      This has to be one of the greatest trials of getting free from abuse – child custody and ongoing issues with it. The courts. Injustice. The fact that you recognize that just talking to him traumatizes you is a BIG sign of progress on your part. You are working on drawing firm boundaries and even if he is a trespasser, you are still showing courage in this regard. Praying indeed.

      Colossians 1:11-12 ESV
      (11) May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience with joy,
      (12) giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in light.

    • Heather

      praying for u. i know how u feel my x does the same thing an I find it hard to set the boundrys because he keeps over stepping them. everytime I see him dropping off or picking up the kids or he thinks he is going to try and fix everything at my home that needs fixed.

    • Praying for you. I know this has been a longstanding issue. . . my sympathies! He is one doggedly persistent PEST.

    • Still Scared( but getting angry)

      I blocked his number, telling him that he can only email. Can someone else drop off the kids and pick up so he can’t try to talk then? Will be praying!! It is so exhausting!

  34. Katy

    NeedPrayer:
    I will pray that God will put a chokechain on your ex and restrain his mouth in your presence.
    you said: He said he wouldn’t because his advisors have told him not to.
    This makes no sense and is a sign that he’s just trying to call you so he can harass you better. if he tries to use his sick mother to manipulate you can tell everyone “I told him to email me the details and he refused”. End of story. Write these thing down in a journal or Word document if you need to for future reference. I kept a daily journal while my ex was still harassing us.
    I will pray for your anxiety and stress too!

  35. I was thinking that just this morning, BIT.
    His ‘advisers’ could simply be a group of wife abusers he’s connected with on the internet! It would be typical of an abuser to convey some ‘truth’ without telling the whole truth, for the purpose of making a lie.

    Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

  36. Needprayer

    Thank so much, Barb and ALL of you for your replies, thoughts, prayers, empathy, etc.

    Still Scared BGA, thanks for the tip. I can’t work out how to do it on my phone! Doesn’t seem to have that function. :S

    His lies are very well covered up. I always thought he was a truthful person because he presented as such and hated liars and lying. I have no doubt that someone said something along those lines about emails, but probably not intentioned to “counsel” him to not use it. As far as I know, his only advisors are handpicked pastors (like some of your experience, he was very good at pastor-hopping, dismissing those who fell from his eyes) or perpetrators themselves.

    • Still Scared( but getting angry)

      I had to call AT&T tech support to have them help me. You can pay for it but there are also many free APS!

      • Needprayer

        Oh I see. Does that mean you can’t text him or receive texts from him as well?

      • Still Scared( but getting angry)

        I have no clue but you can ask tech support. I refuse to text messages also. All email. It was a hard boundary but now it’s in place, so worth it.

    • Just Me

      He’s probably refusing to use email because everything would then be nicely documented in case you need to use it in court. It’s the old adage of never putting anything in writing. Verbally, it’s your word against his.

      I’ll pray for you.

      • Barnabasintraining

        That makes sense. It’s much more believable than “I was advised not to.” Unless that’s why he was advised not to.

      • Crazy making! My MIW put EVERYTHING in writing, hand written, text msgs YEARS of the up and down of his highs, his descents, his disgusting verbal spews, his entire mentality…EVIDENCE for sure!!!!”?? Think again, especially dealing with the church and courts, they may accept he “Did it” “Thought it” “wrote it”…….BUT!!!!……what did YOU do to make him sooooo distraught that he felt as if he was pushed to the edge?……

        Most likely your refusal to be a cooperative part of the parental unit!!

        Unless there is REAL understanding that HE is an abuser, its just going to be words from a frustrated, needy or deppressed fellow in need of some loooooooove.

        I tried for 9 years to be available to somebody who stalked us relentlessly?? To drop everything, arrange everything, make our selfs accessible to a nut job!!! It such an impossible double bind, there is no common sense applied to making people FORCED into NOT protecting themselves, then facing charges from the courts if you do not comply, so sick and disturbing how an abuser can facilitate a court system to further his abuse!!!

        To stalk? Or not to stalk? The question in his mind was “How do I get away with doing this legally?…..Im tired of going to jail, how dare she tell me I cannot drive by, show up, make a scene everywhere she goes? Ive managed to use the children to terrorize her up to this point, this is sooo awesome NOW I can not only terrorize her but I can legally USE the children to make constant contact!!!! wooo hooo!! I hit the jack pot!!! Now when people at church get tired of listening to me, I can pay an endless amount of people to listen to me whine, complain, and side with me on what a horrible person she is!!!! Oh ya, I can also visit the kids when “I” may or may not feel like it, really just depends on wether I need to check up on their MOTHER!!!!!

        Something is seriously WRONG with how seriously flawed the courts handle victoms trying to leave with their children in tact!! Best interest of the child matters little, if abuse was recognized for what it was, I highly doubt there would be ANY contested custody cases, and alot of dirt bag attorneys would be short on cash….

        All the years of threats about if I leave he will take my kids? Imagine his triumph when he realized he ACTUALLY COULD!!!!!

        = – ( so sad.

  37. Lisa

    Please pray that my relationship will be restored with my son. And that his twin sister and other 2 sisters will have this opportunity also. His father took him from my care approxiamately 2 years ago. Thank you

    • Just Me

      Lisa, How heartbreaking! I am so sorry! I will pray for you and your family.

    • Yes Lisa, I will pray. I can not imagine how hard that must be for you.

  38. Pray for the Calvary Chapel situation involving Bob Grenier. That the Lord would remove the scales from Gayle’s eyes and give her the courage, conviction, and strength to leave Bob for good — divorce him. That He would bring whatever people or circumstances she needs into her life to effect her freedom. That He would make a wide path for her steps and lead her out. That He would remove the evil, Satanic lies from her heart and replace them with His truth. And for justice for Alex and the other defendant in the law suit (whose name is Tim. He’s not a relative). That God would extract this whole stinking mass of putrescent filth from His body and bring the healing of His righteousness. And that if He does this, He would also cause the impact of it to be felt as far and wide as He sees fit, and to effect all His good purposes.

  39. Lisa

    Please pray for my son Lucas…His father used the court system to obtain custody of the children in 2011…..Although Lucas twin sister Hope continues to live with me in another state, Lucas has had very little contact with me or his 3 sisters. We live in WY, Lucas lives in Iowa. I had been married to the twins father for 10 years and much abuse was given to myself and the children in that time frame. I was told many times to stay by clergy but I knew in my spirit if I stayed, myself and the children would never know freedom agian. Many professional and law enforcement have said there hands are tied. I have tried to fight the best I can for him but have learned unless a person has a good atty, money and lots of back-up and evidence it is almost impossible to overturn a custody dispute. I have let go alot but will never give up for the safety and freedom that my son deserves. I believe nothing is impossible with God! Thank You Lisa

    • Thank you Lisa. this reminds me to pray even harder for your case. Calling on the God who can close the mouths of the lions.

  40. Anonymous

    The prayer requests make me so sad. I am so grateful to have found a website by Christians for dv victims. Please pray for me and my son. Still married to a verbally abusive man for almost 20 years.

    He raged at me a few days ago (using words like Satan and accuser about me), I fled with our son until he calmed down & then was trying to spin it to our son last night! He was saying things to my son to try to make my son think it was all my fault and I was the controlling one.
    Dealing with additional issues on top of the abuse: grief and loss, and troubles and communication difficulties in my extended family, my husband does not work sufficiently hard to adequately provide for the family.

    I really need support and a few consultants! Everywhere I look there are problems, and needs but no resources. I feel powerless to do anything. I feel alone.

    Even when my husband is not being actively abusive I have to listen to his opinions, stories and wants while he couldn’t care less about mine. It’s like I exist only to listen to him. Recently he was reading out loud a lengthy letter of praise from someone we know. i started feeling sick to my stomach and left the room. Really? He really thought I wanted to hear how great a person he is. Maybe he wanted me to know that he is not such a bad guy after all. Where is God at moments like this? It seems like he keeps rewarding my husband, putting him in situations where people bless him and give him things and praise, no matter how much he hurts us and refuses to provide for us.

    Note added by Barb Roberts: In order to protect the safety of Anonymous, I have edited the text to remove or alter some of the more identifying details in this comment.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Anonymous – You aren’t alone and we are very glad you have found this blog community. Everything you are experiencing is classic of abusers, and very, very wicked. Your question, “where is God?” reminds me of this Scripture -

      Psalms 73:12-28 ESV
      (12) Behold, these are the wicked; always at ease, they increase in riches.
      (13) All in vain have I kept my heart clean and washed my hands in innocence.
      (14) For all the day long I have been stricken and rebuked every morning.
      (15) If I had said, “I will speak thus,” I would have betrayed the generation of your children.
      (16) But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task,
      (17) until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I discerned their end.
      (18) Truly you set them in slippery places; you make them fall to ruin.
      (19) How they are destroyed in a moment, swept away utterly by terrors!
      (20) Like a dream when one awakes, O Lord, when you rouse yourself, you despise them as phantoms.
      (21) When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart,
      (22) I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward you.
      (23) Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand.
      (24) You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory.
      (25) Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
      (26) My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
      (27) For behold, those who are far from you shall perish; you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.
      (28) But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord GOD my refuge, that I may tell of all your works.

      Your question is an honest one — “where is God?” He is there upholding you, and He will one day set everything right. Your husband’s feet are in fact set upon those slippery places, and one day your abuser will fall to his ruin.

      In the meanwhile, we are here. If you would like some books that would be a great help to you, email me at swordtrowel@gmail.com and I will be glad to send you some, no charge.

      • Sherri

        Jeff,

        Thank you for words and the verses. It was shocking and unsettling, and at the same time validating to have someone else, a pastor no less, call my husband’s behavior wicked! I’m not used to it! My husband uses that word about me and other people but he gets so angry on the rare occasions I call his behavior evil. I’ll just say, “That is evil to talk to someone like that.” He’ll say, “Don’t say evil!” over and over again.

        Thank you for your encouraing and kind words. I know intellectually God is always with me, but in an abusive relationship it often feels like he is far away. Especially when my abuser “claims” Jesus for “his side” of whatever war he thinks he is fighting against me.

        He has misused Scripture so often against me that there was a period of years where I couldn’t read it without hearing my husband’s voice. Not in a good way. Always in the most harsh, judgemental, using it against me inaccurately kind of way.

        Thanks for being there and for praying, for this website, for the work you and Barbara and the others are doing to increase awareness of abuse.

      • and thank you for your kind words, Sherri, because it is things like this that keep us going.

      • Jeff Crippen

        Right back at you Sherri! Blessings on you in Christ.

    • Dear Anon, thank you so much for sharing and asking us to pray for you. I will pray. And I’m sure you will find many friends on this blog. Hugs to you from barb.

    • Anonymous

      Thank you for that Barb. I really appreciate it.

      • Anonymous above (with the yellow gravatar), if you feel safe to do so, could you kindly email me? barbara@notunderbondage.com

      • Anonymous

        Anonymous, I’m praying for you too. You will find great help in Ps. Crippen and Barb, as well as this blog and those who write and share on it.

  41. Anonymous

    Asking for prayer. I’ve filed for divorce and he is now implementing others to pray for restoration of the marriage and bombarding me with guilt, asking where my faith in God has gone. This guy has worked to have me excommunicated from a Church and abused us for years upon years. My desire is to do whatever God would have me to do, but I know without doubt, that I am doing that. I do not see any true repentance and even if I did at this point, I do not think I could go back, nor do I believe that God would expect me to. I know there is a lot of disagreement among pastors about this, but unless they have lived it, they really ought not to speak into someone’s situation and give counsel to stay in abuse. Please join with me, as I am left bewildered, confused and broken, yet again. I think that some people believe that if a victim wrongfully divorces her abuser, that the victim cannot be a Christian, but I believe that God never expects a woman who is habitually abused, to stay in the marriage. He does not even see that as a marriage, because it is not His idea of marriage, nor what He created marriage to be. Thank you for your prayers. Please storm Heaven for me.

    • Memphis Rayne

      Anonymous…..I believe “Heaven is being stormed” by all our pleas. I get REALLY angry for you, I hope that is okay? You are choosing NOT to love, honor, cling to what is EVIL. If anybody tells you that is wrong, well I can only assume they are like minded to an abuser….or just plain fools. (of course I have many other words I would prefer to call them but I am resisting temptation) I read the prayer requests, and its as if I wrote every single one of them along my treachorous journey towards that freedom we all deserve. I never know anymore how to ask for prayer? I feel I get time warped back into each and every situation I read about on this blog, because they all are so much alike, that doesnt even surprise me anymore. My most humble opinion, GOD is not in an abuser, period. Therefore the church and the people in the church that expect you to in effect honor …uh? say? ….the devil? Do not REALLY know God either, because they are choosing to ignore your and your childs sufferings, instead of being at your defense. YOU have God Almighty on your side, your abuser just has his black pit to fill up with lies and fake nicetys…someday that black pit will be filled, then what? In my mental picture THEN he will fall in it, and the ground will swallow him up to his end. Your right too, there is that wee possibility of change, and you are so smart to see that even IF (and thats a BIG “IF”) was able to convince you of his true change, you KNOW you and your family deserve what God wants for you, not this bozo. They are just so darn good at faking it in church, then flipping the switch at home, but we know God and YOU see him for what he really is.
      Im terrible at praying, lately I just cannot do it, but I am with you in my heart and truly understand where you are at and just remember cling to what YOU know, shut everyone else and their mindless opinions out, in the end they do not have to live with this guy. ooxo

    • Katy

      Storming heaven for you Anon!!!! Let there be no doubt to the casual rubberneckers in your “church” that the Living God is moving ON YOUR BEHALF!! That YOU are under His protection and that there can be no denying it! That any believers in the presence of your husband will have their blinders removed, and their discernment from the Holy Spirit will move them to step back and pray for you and your children!
      Hold on because it gets better – someday you will look back and all of his abuse will just be a memory – your life WILL be better once you are free from the abuse – don’t let anyone tell you different. Trust those of us who love God and have traveled this road before you. He loves you so much he laid down his life for you, that kind of God would never keep you in chains.

    • I like Memphis’s answer to you.
      And I like the way you are reality checking all the time, so as not to be swayed by all the bystanders and allies he is recruiting. It’s sad, but normal. The abuser recruits allies left right and center, and the survivor is often left with few friends from that Christian community, but we are all your friends. Better yet, our support of you is not nearly as significant as God’s support of you. All the folk who are being recruited by your abuser may *think* they are doing God’s will but they’ve been brainwashed by the false doctrine about divorce and marriage that is awash in the conservative churches. Hold fast!
      Remember that Sunday school song about how Jesus is the anchor for our souls? He will not let you go. No matter how the storms buffet, they cannot break you away from the anchor.

  42. Victoria

    “Rollercoaster of tears, joy, peace and doubt” That pretty much sums up my life lately, maybe not so much “doubt” but the feeling that comes when the most godly around you reject you (not outright, but with dismissive sympathy, unanswered messages, accusatory questions about what you can do to be a better wife, and pat answer-advice delivered with glazed over eyes), when you recognize the abuse but the abuser is not an “evil” man, just a bound and deceived, wounded soul.
    The peace of knowing God’s faithfulness and feeling His closeness.
    The joy of revelation about my situation and being set free to be who God made me to be.
    Tears for the pain that has been inflicted on my heart for years, for the realization that our beautiful children may be raised in a broken home, for the understanding that he may not choose to change, for the constant accusations and the new insecurity of having absolutely no clue how to appropriately respond.

    I see the abuse, I realize I have no boundaries but I have no idea how to act towards him. I don’t want to give up on our family and reject him completely… This conflict is where the doubt comes from. The only advice/support I have (other than improve my submission to him and be a better/more godly wife) is from the internet and The Holy Spirit.
    The revelation I receive from both is wonderful and overwhelming! But I have no clue what to do with this revelation! Where & how do I set up and enforce boundaries? How do I navigate this?
    How do you protect yourself from your closest friend?
    How do you ask someone to get help when any dissension is met with denial and vehement accusation?
    How do you hope for the best and prepare for the worst when preparing is in itself is an assault on that hope?
    These things I do not know… we are on a waiting list for a counselor…
    What I do know is that God is FAITHFUL and I need help!
    Pray for me?

    • Jeff Crippen

      Victoria – Will do! Very good descriptions of what you are going through. I would also suggest that if you have not done so, you begin to read, read, read so that you grow wiser and wiser regarding the abuser and his tactics and the effects on you and your children. Start with Lundy Bancroft’s book, Why Does He do That? for a wonderful, sound introduction. Barbara Roberts’ book, Not Under Bondage, addresses issues regarding separation and divorce for abuse biblically. You can read my book, A Cry for Justice: How the Evil of Domestic Abuse Hides in Your Church, which addresses the mentality and tactics of abuse, its effects, and in particular how it works its evil in the church. See our Resources page for more excellent books. As you read, the Lord will use what you are learning to help clear up the fog that abuse clouds our minds with. Many blessings in Christ.

    • Jeff S

      In addition to the books Jeff has suggested, I would also recommend the book “Boundaries” by Townsend and Cloud, with the huge cavaet to ignore what they say about divorce for abuse (they believe in separation only). However, I really wish I’d read that book years before things got their worst- setting good boundaries is so important to maintaining your wits and being able to think clearly. Doing so will also force an abuser to show his or her hand because it makes you less controllable.

      And if there’s one statement about boundaries I think everyone should learn it’s this: “Boundaries are put into place to protect yourself, not to change another person”. That helped me a lot when I finally started setting them, because it caused me to ask myself “What is it that I am saying I can’t live with here?” rather than “What about my spouse needs to change for me to feel safe?”. Even though those questions can be very similar with similar answers, the first is a lot healthier because we are focusing on what we can do something about, ourselves, rather than something we cannot control, our spouse.

      • Anonymous

        Praying here for you. Just one thing I would add. You said, “but the abuser is not an “evil” man, just a bound and deceived, wounded soul.” I am not certain if this is what people are saying to you, or you are telling yourself, but just to clarify for you, abuse is evil, and anyone who performs abuse is performing evil. I was really helped, when I came to understand that abuse was far more than abusers just not knowing what they were doing. Ps. Crippen’s and Jeff S.’s advice above is great and all of those books will help you to see and understand what is happening and give you advice about how to set boundaries. I will pray for you. You will also find great help here. I am also pretty sure, you have been a submissive wife already, and you really don’t have to answer anyone’s questions, at least until you are ready to and know what you want to say to them.

  43. Victoria

    Praise The Lord! God led me to visit a different church this morning and to seek help from that pastor. Our church is not equipped to deal with the issue of abuse in our marriage for many reasons. The church we visited is familiar to my husband and I believe the pastor (if he chooses to help) will be able to discern and stand on truth. I briefly decribed the situation and advised the pastor that if he cooses to help he will certainly be getting in a mess and will be harassed by my husband, but he may be able to help bring restoration and glory to God through this as well. We will talk more on Tuesday. Please pray for the lord’s will. I believe this was a God appointment to lead me there this morning and hope this pastor will stand with me. Right now I am standing alone (with God but without man)…

    • Jeff Crippen

      Victoria- Be sure that the pastor has at least done some basic reading about abuse, or if he has not that he is willing to do so before dealing with your situation. He my have good intentions, but that really is not enough.

      • Anonymous

        I would just add, be certain that you also do not get wrapped up in joint counseling. It is not for situations of abuse. Perhaps after other counseling has been done and if things are restored, there may come a time for that, but not initially. As Ps. Crippen says, if the pastor has not done any studying on abuse and/or if he discourages you from reading anything about abuse, then you may be better off to seek out another counselor. Don’t get too far into it, before you check these points off, or you may end up being abused all over again. Not trying to worry or concern you, but we have all dealt with this situation and I am just trying to give you good advice about how to protect yourself from being further abused.

  44. Wisdomchaser

    Today I finally reached a point where I felt I couldn’t procrastinate anymore. I called the local domestic abuse hotline to get some information. The local support group meets on Mondays so please pray that God will give me the strength and encouragement to go to the meeting. I am older and disabled so I feel doubly bound to my husband. I am not able to work and am totally dependent on him financially and of course, among other things, he is financially controlling. I am concerned because I am having more mobility problems. What happens when not able to take care of my personal needs, much less the house? My kness are getting bad enough that I am having trouble getting into and out of the tub on my own. Also, so far he has refused to provide health insurance so I am unable to afford any needed medications and medical care. In addtition, his verbal and emotional abuse has made me feel totally worthless and I am sure that the emotional stress is contributing to my worsening physical problems. There are other issues but right now this is my main concern.

    • Anonymous

      Praying for you, Wisdomchaser.

    • Victoria

      The group may address this, but you might want to check into SSI disability, even if you have never worked you may be eligible for benefits based on your husbands income. Don’t give up!

    • Dear Widsomchaser. thank you for asking us to pray for you. I will do so.
      Now you’ve rung that hotline once, you can always ring it again. Maybe they can give you more info about support and assistance for disabled people. Maybe there is even a ‘fast track’ for people who are applying for the SSI who are suffering financial and other forms of abuse in a relationship. Maybe they can refer you to somewhere that can provide assistance for your special needs.

      Congratulations on ‘breaking the ice’. Well done. It must have taken a lot of courage to do that. Hugs to you!

  45. Victoria

    Going to call a pastor to see if he will stand with me. Please pray! Right now, with the exception of the internet & God, I am standing completely alone.

    • Victoria

      Call went well. I am encouraged!

      • Katy

        so glad to hear this… continuing to pray for safety and guidance for you! ((hugs))

      • Jeff S

        That is great to hear- and we ARE standing with you!

      • Victoria

        Jeff S- I heard your reply in my heart! I believe you “ARE” standing with me. Thank You!
        Katy- Thank You so much! Safety and guidance are just what we need right now! (((hugs))) right back at cha!

  46. KingsDaughter

    Please pray for me… separated from abuser, but still being friendly while awaiting safe confrontation. Saturday morning he cried on my shoulder, saying he’s struggling hard (porn addiction and getting angry/frustrated with our three small children), it was hard not to feel compassion for him and hope my kindness would give him incentive to turn around when the full confrontation happens. I want him to know I love him and will be here if he is willing to truly repent. We spent the weekend together doing family things, obviously there was no conflict so things were nice. I’m kicking myself for not maintaining boundaries I wanted to set (its so hard to do when he’s being kind and my world is so conflicted and lonely)! Its getting confusing! Please pray!

    • Jeff S

      I will pray for you for clarity and the followthrough to do what is right and good. I know in your position it is just so hard to know what that looks like, so prayer is all I have to offer.

      • KingsDaughter

        Thanks Jeff! I keep going back to Prov 3:5-6
        “Trust in the Lord with all your heart
        and lean not on your own understanding;
        in all your ways submit to him,
        and he will make your paths straight.”

        Things get so complicated so quickly, this verse keeps reeling me back in! I so appreciate everyones prayers! This feels like such a rocky, uncharted path and this site lets me know that although the path is unfamiliar to me and it feels so far from civilization, that I am not the first to travel it!

      • Jeff S

        I don’t know if this will be helpful, but in my case I had two things I was looking for before I would even think about reconciliation. That is, I wasn’t committing to perusing reconciliation if these things happened, but I wouldn’t even entertain the idea if they didn’t. I also didn’t tell her this, because to do so would have allowed her to fake it.

        The first was I needed her take genuine responsibility for the hurtful things she did. That didn’t mean she could never hurt me again, but it did mean she had to acknowledge her actions were her choice and not justifiable, and then offer a plan about how to make the relationship safe for me. She never did this- there was always a reason that I needed to understand that her actions were ok- that if I only understood her then I wouldn’t have been hurt.

        The second was a genuine desire to be a mother to our son. This one got tricky because she did show a lot more interest in him as the divorce proceeded. He had the best relationship she ever had with him (he was 2) right after the divorce because of the structured visitation time. Unfortunately she ended up moving out of state.

        So having these two things in mind made it a lot easier for me to look at the situation objectively when the emotions of guilt, shame, and a general desire to forget everything and “make it work” started to take root. I could always ask myself: “Is she taking responsibility and willing to work toward making the relationship safe?” and the answer was always “no” (though she did want to declare it safe), so I kept moving ahead with the divorce.

        I prayed two things every night: that she would repent and that I wouldn’t miss it if she did.

      • KingsDaughter

        Thanks Jeff!
        I feel like God has given me similar things to look for to demonstrate true repentance before we move forward. It was encouraging to hear that you had a similar line of thought.
        I’m mad at myself for not holding firm to the boundaries I wanted to set. I can see how that could send mixed messages to him and crossing your own boundaries is almost worse than someone else doing it!
        While driving to church last night, I sought out what was going on and where the confusion was coming from and saw that all of the “nice” things I saw this weekend, while they were nice, really had nothing to do with me. His tears were over his pain not mine, his hugs were for HIM not me. His behaviors are about him protecting his kingdom, not about loving God or his family. That was key to lifting the fog! Also, remembering what he has done and that he has not even tried to repent. It seems so easy in the moment to want to lovingly cling to him, to seek his covering, to be his wife, to forget everything he has done, to just love him. Ah, but just like sin, it feels good in the moment but regret is close behind!
        I’m also aware of the spiritual battle that is going on and how I NEED to stay focused on God to avoid becoming ensnared.
        Gal 5:1 “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” and Exodus 20:2-3 “‘I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.
        ‘You shall have no other gods before or beside me.’”
        This really spoke to me. I’ve read the Big Ten so many times, but verse three is now particularly meaningful. I’ve got to be careful not to let anything (feeling or desire) or anyone become elevated to the level of being beside or before God. I really never thought I was in danger of doing that before! I suppose I always saw the first commandment as “milk” for babes in Christ or for those “heathen” who had multiple gods. Silly girl! I never cease to amaze myself with how surprised I am to find sin in my own heart! lol…
        So yeah, thanks for praying! I do so need it!
        Blessings to you, Friend!

      • KD i’m just chiming in here. When you said you could see how your not holding up firm boundaries could have sent him mixed messages”" Thats really intriguing me. I think you are farther along than you give yourself credit for. I NEVER thought that my inability to uphold a firm boundary was confusing my MIW…my right to say “NO” then when I caved because of the tears, and reminders of what could be..you know..the cycle, that we all go through to some extent….most people who live with an abuser go through the same routine, and we cave because we have empathy and compassion and we love our families, and abusers are very manipulative, and very aware of what they are doing, they lack the compassion, the empathy, they don’t FEEL your violations….that is why, whether or not you are firm with boundaries they will cross them regardless, whether its emotional or otherwise. I am NOT saying boundaries are not good and purposeful, we all need them, and understanding them are important, I think all I am saying is its WAY more difficult in a MARRIAGE to accept that somebody who is suppose to love you would annihilate your right to own those boundaries. You have empathy, its clear in your writing. He however does not, and you are absolutely right about who those tears are for. I think there was post awhile back on those Crocodile tears that you have experienced.

        I may be way out of line, BUT you give him a lot more credit than is due. He does not see it as his confusion, and those mixed signals he may or may not “get” only work for his benefit to blame you down the road. He has created the confusion, and created the circumstances that have made his OWN wife HAVE to install those boundaries to begin with.

      • Jeff S Good point, most of us are told in Biblical counsel “”The GOAL is to reconcile” and that is an abusers number one motivation, and the backing of the churches desire to “get” you to agree with that goal is the churches number one priority. Too bad that could not be separated in minds of counsel…they could tell the abuser your spouse,she or he WILL NOT be considering ANY reconciliation, unless he/she is believing there is absolute true repentance and regeneration..(and the church should not be allowed to make that call on whether or not change has occurred)… THEN reconciliation can begin. Also I just thought of this, we talk about how the church does not want to “Judge a person” like the theme is “”who are you, or we to judge a persons heart”" yet they are the first to fall pray to the sudden outburst of remorse alot of abusers display when they want what they want….so often times if for example I said “”I no longer wish to reconcile” then the severe manipulation of others perceptions begin to work against a recovering victim. I do not know what else to call these double binds abuse seems to create?

        Unfortunately I do not see that ever happening, and in alot of abuse situations IF you tell the abuser “I have no desire to reconcile with you” they will usually up the ante to something worse…..

        I have seen change in the MIW for long periods, enough that I was almost certain that God had his hand in it……but it was amazing how premeditated that “goodness” was, and how real it seemed……

        I do however see that there is a NEED to remove reconciliation out of the goal to affect any changes.Nonetheless within the marriage covenant inside the church reconciliation is all that matters, nobody inside the church is going to say “Married or not, you have the right to live a life free of abuse” “”If your spouse abuses you and your children you have the God given right to NOT reconcile”"

        Most likely the church would view that as the victim “”holding it over the abusers head”" and the victim not loving “”for better or worse”"…..

      • Jeff Crippen

        Cancer patient there. Tumor surgically removed over there. Let’s get them back together. Reconciliation, that’s the thing you know.

  47. I am asking please would you pray for me to have clear direction from God to know what His will is and for the strength to follow through. Things are degenerating quickly in my home again. My teenaged son is waiting for me to do something about it – he is acting out and the fighting is almost constant again. This morning I realized that my husband is again deleting his phone history (hiding pornography, I imagine) and last night my four year old daughter swallowed bleach and my husband didn’t want to call an ambulance or take her to the hospital (obviously I did it anyway). My children are disgusted with him right now for this as our dog died last month (he refused to let us take her to a vet after she drank anti-freeze) and he is telling us all that we were just overreacting.

    I KNOW I have to do something here. But I feel so bad doing this to him and I still have a nagging feeling that he is really a good man and maybe we could salvage the marriage. He is also going to be partaking in a program for abusive men, starting next week, at the prompting of his counselor.

    Please just pray for me to be strong and decisive. Please.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Got it, Desley. Will do. I think you are a strong person. And probably like all of us, you “know” the truth about all these things, but taking action steps is difficult. Actions are what measure repentance, remember. Continuing to abuse while signing up for an abuser program isn’t repentance. And as far as him being a good man – well, it is from the heart that actions proceed, from the root that the fruit comes.

    • Barnabasintraining

      Wow, Desley. I’ll definitely be praying about that.

      I hope your daughter is OK.

      Why do you think he might be a good man? What gives you that nagging feeling? If you don’t mind my asking…

      • Anonymous

        Praying for you Desley. I get your “feelings” about him, but as BIT asked, why do you think that? I am asking for my own benefit.

      • My daughter is alright. She vomited most of what she swallowed – but he couldn’t have known that – the paramedics didn’t even know that.

        I guess I am conflicted because sometimes he is so kind to me. If I was looking at the situation objectively I wouldn’t think that, I suppose. But I guess I have to keep reminded myself as it says above, “And as far as him being a good man – well, it is from the heart that actions proceed, from the root that the fruit comes.”

        Thank you for the prayers. I know deep down what I have to do… I just need the resolve and strength to move forward with it despite my emotions.

      • Barnabasintraining

        Ah. Got it.

        I’m glad your daughter is OK.

      • Anonymous

        Desley-One thing that helped me, was when I was able to recognize that the nice periods were not who he really was, the abusive was who he really was. I think it is so confusing, because we want to believe the best; but the truth is, that the evil we live in is what is the truth and the niceties that come once in a while, are just that – niceties – not the true person. Bancroft’s book I believe addresses this. Once I understood that, it was easier for me to see that there was far more abuse, than niceties. Hope that helps. Not trying to confuse you further or cause you to doubt anything. Praying for you and glad your child is okay now.

    • Memphis Rayne

      Hi Desley! I never really thought my MIW was a good man per say, BUT I invested SO much in when he WAS good, that hope is so painful to let go of, plus you most likely still love him, or the “Idea” of him… since abusers are accutely aware of the pull they have on your “”emotion”" I can remember being so confused, and terrified of taking that leap to solid ground. = * ( I am sorry. The love for my family, rather than him specifically I think was very blurred, like marriage was the end all of things….well I am most likely not so helpful, so Ditto what Jeff C said, makes alot of sense. oxoxo

    • Desley, I completely understand where you are at. I STILL want to think that my ex is a good person, despite the fact that I felt like divorce was a necessary precaution to protect myself.

      Did you catch this article when I wrote it about struggling with this very thing?
      http://cryingoutforjustice.wordpress.com/2013/03/07/treating-an-abuser-as-a-non-believer/

      I think the wrap up point was very important in my journey: in the end it wasn’t about judging her goodness or badness, but what was safe for me. It can be a tremendous burden if you feel like you have to have all the answers, but you don’t. I finally found that the most important thing was figuring out what I needed to be safe and to provide my child with the home he needed.

  48. Still Scared( but getting angry)

    Pray for me, so much fear right now. I got the ridiculous changes to the separation agreement that my ex-idiot sent to my lawyer. I know it’s ridiculous, I know it’s wrong, it makes me so nauseous just thinking about it and it was supposed to have been all settled and done and with abusers it seems to never be. I am worn out from the battle. Needing prayer, support and to keep my eyes on Jesus.

    • I am praying for you, Still Scared.

    • Katy

      praying for you, that God will be your shield and rampart. ((hugs)) It’s okay to tell God that you just can’t take it anymore.

  49. Memphis Rayne

    Ugh = * ( Feeling wretched today, all I wanna do is cry, I try to keep busy so that my mind does not wonder onto the MIW and his MANY victorys over us, the injustice is literally the lump in my throat, and its getting harder and harder to swallow.
    Then unfortunately I got an email from home, and my darling MOM who does NOT get anything was complaining how much she has suffered worry, loss of sleep, because of the MIW. she does NOT want to get anything, she has NO empathy, and on a day I truly did not need that, she makes our pain about her. I know that where we are is for all the right reasons, and that God truly gave me the knowledge to stand against such decrepit evil, BUT it certainly feels like their is no hope in the air. I just feel like I am suffocating.

    • KingsDaughter

      MR,
      Praying for your dear heart, precious sister! Praying for His presence, for the rewards and victories to be peace, love and joy in The Spirit. Praying for protection for your mind over every anxious thought that they would be taken captive to Christ, for your heart to dwell the riches of His great love. When we are weak He IS strong! I’m praying for that to be your soft place to land, that He would be your strength as you let youself fall sweetly into His faithful arms.
      Was having a rough morning myself, battling with the frustration of interactions with my husband and not letting that anxiety and aggravation spill into my parenting. I was on my knees (literally) every five-ten minutes, remembering that when we pray for His peace, He LOVES to give it to us. When we pray for wisdom and guidance, He is faithful.

      The book of Psalms always seems to speak such peace to my heart these days;
      Look at Psalm 91:14-16
      The “I will rescue and give honor” really touched my heart.

    • Anonymous

      Memphis-I have a post coming up in the pile, but I will share this with you here today. Affliction=to force or try to force submission; something that wants to have mastery over you. You are being afflicted. You do not have to submit to it, but it wants you to. It is what keeps us up in the air and confused and twisted and turning, not knowing which way to turn, because when it strikes, it brings that force of “submission” to it. It wants to master you, but you are God’s. Just knowing that, changed me. I realized that when I am feeling my worst, I just need to pull my Scriptures out and read them (even outloud) and stand against the evil that comes. God has delivered you out of your Egypt. You just have to do the work of standing and submitting to Him, but it is oh so hard sometimes. We long for comfort and to be loved and understood. So, here are some verses that helped me. Psalm 5, 25 and 36 to name a few. I am working on memorizing some of these, so that I have it hidden in my heart when the enemy comes stalking me, trying to get me to submit to the evil in my life, or confuse me about what evil even is, instead of living in the freedom and grace and mercy and pleasantness of God! Praying for you dear one. Don’t give up. All of the great people in the Bible, had hardship and trial and defeat, before their victories! Grab your Bible, get yourself some comfort food and drink and just take the time to rest and read those verses, and have yourself a really good cry before the Lord. His comfort, is like none other. (Followed by a good movie with your children, always helps too!)

  50. Dear Memphis, do you ever let the tears flow? I know it doesn’t ‘solve’ anything, but I find letting the tears and sobs out when they come up can be a help. so long as I am in a place where I can do that safely, without it unduly disturbing other people.
    I continue to pray for you.
    Thank you for sharing.

  51. I have finally managed to conjure up the strength to ask my husband to leave. He refused to leave and I had to call the police. The police, unfortunately, didn’t know the whole backstory and they felt sorry for him. I’m sure he told them that the problem was me and my son again…and one officer made my son feel guilty for the situation. They were only able to see the situation as isolated from our long history and so they made me kind of feel stupid and irrational for throwing him out for something so seemingly harmless as having a verbal argument with my son. My husband also went and “sorted it out” after I told him to leave and that made the officers dislike me more for my “extreme” actions. For a while there I didn’t think they were going to make him leave even though I have court papers granting me legal possession of the home.

    I was feeling like maybe I overreacted and should have given in, but I managed to talk myself out of doubt for the most part. The kids are also handling the situation much better than they did the last time.

    Please keep us in your prayers. Please pray for me to stay strong and not doubt myself. I don’t know what the future has in store for us in the next little while. I have no idea how my church will handle this latest development.

    Thank you so much.

    • Praying for you for this, Desley. Well done for the courage you have shown. :)
      Have you ever consulted a domestic abuse support service? If not, I think it would be a good idea to consider doing so. They are the experts in how your local laws and police force are likely to work, and they can explain the traps for young players.

      Your situation is unusual in that your abuser is primarily targeting your son. That fact in itself would make it not a standard case for the police to handle, and so they would be perhaps more likely to make mistakes in their reading and handling of the situation. But the DV support service in your town would be able to tailor their advice and suggestions to your particular situation.

      And if you have doubts about whether you have done the right thing or ‘over-reacted’, it might help you to know that many of us go through doubts like that in the early stages of separation. I found it helpful to keep reminding myself of the most telling and salient facts, which in my case were these (thinking of my last marriage): he DID assault me; the next morning he DENIED that I had any reason to fear him; he LIED about my actions and motives to his family and my family; he TWISTED THE TRUTH in a very covert and cunning fashion in the way he told those lies. That means it WAS abuse, and I don’t have to put up with abuse, in fact, putting up with it usually means it would get worse as time goes by.

  52. Movinon

    I am requesting prayer, comments or whatever the Lord leads you to share in my behalf. I will began by thanking you for this website, for myself and those who like me have read but have yet to share.
    On have I will be married 37 years. We were both divorced when we married, me with a young child, him with none by previous. Before going out with him I asked if he was a Christian. I did not even want to date him if he wasn’t a believer. He assured me he was and thus began a very quick courtship.Before I agreed to marry him, I wanted to be as certain as I could be it was God’s will for me and had him ask my Dad for my hand in marriage. I also wanted to make sure his parents agreed. I go into all this because I want everyone to understand how strong my faith was and how determined I was to be sure this was the right for my daughter and myself.
    The first 14 years were physical and mental abuse. We had two more children together. The physical abuse stopped in the early 1990s. I guess the fear and threat never go away though and damage to the children is lifetime.
    We continued in church, on again off again and he even attended seminary classes in the 90′s feeling he had been called to preach. The verbal abuse and emotional abuse has been constant. I am just now learning how badly I have been damaged. Not just by him but by the church. I have served so many times in churches and had so many churched “friends” who have turned on me. I am not saying this out of pity, just fact. Please understand.
    My husband quit his first job within 3 months after we got married and this has been typical behavior every since. Long story short. He has anger management problems and has lost several jobs for this reason. I worked for 15 years but was forced to leave for medical reasons and am now on disability. I haven’t been happy for a long time.
    What brought me out of denial though, and made me realize I must move on. He has been in a long distance relationship with his ex-wife since sept of last year. They are talking 3 and 4 times. Apparently he thinks its a “God thing” since she is “first wife” and they should never have broken up. I haven’t confronted him yet. I am afraid of his reaction. In the past when I have found out about this type of thing, FB, etc, it has been denial, trivial,etc but this time he even told our son then swore him to secrecy.
    All this from a Godly man. A man who reads his Bible daily. Who claims to pray every morning. And now, I am questioning my faith. I am so fearful of the future and yet I know this isn’t what God wants for me. And even though the abuse has killed the love, it still hurts so bad to be betrayed. It is so hard to look at him at night knowing he has been talking to her and not knowing what their plans are. Mine? I am going to counseling, I don’t have money for an atty, don’t have any family and not sure what to do. Any advise out there?

    • Jeff Crippen

      Movinon- As difficult as all of this must be for you, truth always works to set us free. We maintain that you have biblical grounds to divorce this man, though we also realize that “just leaving” isn’t so easy. And only you can make the decision in the end. We highly recommend that you look at the resources page of this blog if you haven’t, and begin reading to further educate yourself about abuse. Lundy Bancroft’s Why Does He do That is excellent. Regarding the biblical grounds of divorce, see Barbara Roberts’ book, Not Under Bondage. And for more insight into the “Christian” abuser, which your husband is (though we certainly do not believe he is a Christian in reality), see Jeff Crippen’s book, A Cry for Justice. Don’t rule out your local women’s resource/crisis center as a help to you either.

    • katy

      Movinon,
      I too thought that I was entering my marriage the right way. I also asked him if he was a Christian and he answered all the questions “correctly”. He did everything by the book, asked my parents for permission to marry me etc etc etc. He started abusing me on the honeymoon.
      In the end, it doesn’t matter. We made the best decisions we could, with the information that we had at the time, and God rarely breaks open the heavens to reach down and stop us from making a mistake — so don’t beat yourself up on top of the abuse you take from this scoundrel.
      I’ll pray that God opens a path for you going forward, and brings you some comfort. I know the pain is incredible. ((hugs))

    • Dear Movinon,
      You are indeed in a difficult situation and I wish I could wave a magic wand and solve some of these difficulties for you, opening a way out easily. Be assured I heard no self-pity in what you wrote: you just wrote the facts. Your husband has abused you for decades, physically for a long time, verbally, mentally, emotionally and financially (by not providing) for even longer; church friends have turned on you; these things hurt, hurt, hurt.

      I am so glad to hear you are seeing a counselor — not because you are mentally ill or pathological, but because you are traumatized and worn down from all the abuse and want — and deserve! — support so you can find your way through the mire and potentially run the gauntlet of separation.

      It is so hard, when legal assistance is out of reach. I wish I had answers for that dilemma. In Australia we used to have legal aid available for domestic abuse victims who were strapped for funds, but that is being cut back now by the government. And in many countries other than Australia, there is little or no legal aid for the poor. I believe an ethical society should provide legal aid for the oppressed and especially for those who have suffered adversity and are trying to obtain justice through the courts, but I have no control over the system.

      People like your husband should be treated as unbelievers. That is what give us grounds to divorce them. Such a person so abuses their spouse that he effectively pushes her away and trashes the marriage covenant altogether. No matter how much he claims to read the Bible and pray, it is all just a sham because his heart is clearly hard as stone. The way he has treated you for years is the fruit he has shown and it is ROTTEN fruit. So we can know him by his fruits: know him for the unbelieving unregenerate person that he is.

  53. Movinon

    Thank you for your prompt response. I will check out the resources you have suggested and will continue to go to my local women’s resource center.

  54. Movinon

    Thank you, Katy. Knowing I am not alone helps tremendously, the reason I am so thankful to find this website. I am sorry there are so many who suffer but it does help when we can comfort each other and offer words of wisdom. God bless you.

  55. 4mydaughter

    Thank you so very much for this offer of prayer; and so very much for both “A Cry for Justice” and “Not Under Bondage.” My “Christian” husband has been abusive to me for 6 years and I just filed for divorce yesterday. He is currently attacking me with threats to take my daughter (almost 3 years old) away from me, and though my lawyer is quite confident he will be awarded nothing more than supervised visitation the stress is eating me alive. Please pray that I will be able keep my daughter and that he will have only supervised visits.
    A Cry for Justice reads like a script of my relationship. I was forced to leave my home church after I challenged the pastor who had counselled me for 3 years to “submit harder.” A few days ago I forwarded some harassing emails to him from a member of his congregation I had not seen for a year asking him to intercede and put a stop to the harassment. I just received a message from him endorsing the messages. How can Christians be so hateful under the guise of biblical concern? He has been medically diagnosed as a sociopath and they are still praying that I will repent and reconcile with my him.
    If I may be so bold as to ask for a second prayer request: My current pastor who supported my separation admits he is struggling with the issue, but still doesn’t believe abuse is biblical grounds for divorce. I wrote notes all over a copy of A Cry for Justice and gave it to my pastor. He has agreed to read parts of it. PLEASE pray that he will be persuaded and that I will not face church discipline or be forced to leave again. With sincere thanks.

    • Dear 4mydaughter, we are happy to pray for that second request too. I shall do so.

      Giving your current pastor a copy of A Cry For Justice is indeed a good idea and I shall pray he reads it. If that book does not alleviate all his doubts and questions, he might find my book fills in some of the gaps. It is like a key fitting into a lock and turning. All the barrels have to line up and fit the notches before you can turn the key. And each person has a slightly different set of barrels and notches, depending on how they interpret and prioritize the various scriptures that deal with divorce. And it is even more complicated than that because sometimes a person has to line up one barrel and one notch and jiggle it a bit, or spray some lubricant onto it to loosen it, before working on another barrel and another notch. Eventually they all line up and the key turns and the person sees that all the scriptures do indeed harmonize and positively condone divorce for abuse.

      blessings and hugs to you

      • 4mydaughter

        Thank you Barbara. I gave my pastor a copy of your book too along with Jeff’s book. I flagged your treatment of Mal 2:16 in particular because he quoted that verse to me in our discussions. I do pray he reads and considers them both thoroughly. Again, many thanks for your work and support.

      • It’s worth noting you can show the Malachi verse in the ESV which gets a lot of credibility these days. It translates it much better than a lot of other versions.

      • Barnabasintraining

        That’s a really good analogy, Barbara.

    • Barnabasintraining

      It sounds like the original pastor has a problem if he thinks email harassment is appropriate.

      I will pray your new pastor is positively impacted by the books and that you have legal victory over your abuser.

    • Still Scared( but getting angry)

      Praying! I am hurting for you!

  56. I don’t know if – I’ve never made a prayer request in my life, because I’ve always felt like it’s selfish for me to do that when my problems aren’t as big as someone else’s, or I haven’t earned it or whatever. I know it sounds stupid, but this is like…not a crisis, I just need to – say it, I guess, I don’t know. I’m feeling really discouraged right now…I know a lot of it is because I’m not physically in good shape, I was really sick again last week for the fourth time already this year, one of those severe 48hr flu bugs that usually gets me once or twice a year, but four times since January is a bit much. :/ I keep reminding myself that I’ve had more ‘good’ days – even some really actually good days, physically – so far than I’ve had in the last couple years combined, I think, but it’s hard.

    I feel like I’m hitting walls again, not making a lot of headway with my situation and back to scraping for enough energy to just get through days, never mind actually fighting for things, and it’s really depressing when I had a couple entire weeks that I felt real, actual hope and like things were changing – I thought I had trained myself out of that whole hope thing, because this always happens, but it seemed, for once, like good things were actually happening instead of just maybe going to happen, and I had so much energy I couldn’t even believe it, I was sure that it meant things were finally moving.

    There still are some things that are better than they were, and it looks like probably some of the others might still happen, but I feel like it’s all slipping away, and the energy I had to reach for it and pursue it and be a voice and a flashpoint is just…gone, and I’m so tired and so afraid it won’t come back. I’m still trying to stay in touch with my siblings, but I’ve gotten some disheartening responses from them too, lately, and it would be so easy to just – I’m getting this desperate urge to isolate again, to get away from everything and everyone, at least emotionally, stop talking or reaching out and just….stop being, and stop talking and stop caring. Because I’m so tired of it hurting and no matter how hard I try to reach out, it feels like most of what I’m saying isn’t getting through or being understood anyway.

    I’m just really tired. And I feel stupid, because this always happens, and I didn’t want it to happen again.

    • Jeff Crippen

      Kagi – much of what you are feeling may be due to physical issues more than you realize. If so, it should pass as you recover. On the other hand we would certainly very much recommend that you see a physician if you haven’t. It sounds like you are doing battle with depression perhaps and a doctor could well be able to help you with that. As to those family relationships – are they safe? If not, perhaps desiring to be in relationship with people who are unsafe for relationship is what keeps bringing you down.

      • I’ve struggled with severe depression and anxiety for years, so that’s part of it I’m sure, and chronic pain is just first on the list as far as health problems go, it’s kind of a mess of issues. Catching flu on top of it all just seems like insult to injury, you know? But it’s not really doctor worthy, at least not this time – last time I did end up going to the clinic. I don’t have any insurance or a regular GP, so that’s the best I can do.

        If we can just get the house to sell – that would help a lot, with so many things. Financially especially, but other things too. I’m trying to have faith because I believe this is God’s timing for us to be selling it now, but the anxiety keeps coming back because if it doesn’t, then things are going to get really, really bad. My dad is not dealing well with the stress either, so…I’m scared either way. My sister and I are staying in the rental until the sale, so we’ve had some space, and if the house does sell then my parents will be living here too and there goes most of the space. I just feel like I got to a wider place and things were opening up and now it all seems to be closing in again, and I think it’s just perception and if I just hold on and wait, I’ll see a path, but I can’t see anything right now and I hate waiting, it’s terrifying.

        …..I think that is maybe actually a trigger. I remember, I remember now. It’s so weird, you have thought and behaviour patterns and you’ve thought ‘I’m just like that’ and then sometimes you suddenly realise there’s a why, and. unfortunately that doesn’t make it any less panicking. :(

        The sibling relationships are safe, insofar as I can trust my understanding of it (which is to say, I’m not always sure I know what safe is anymore), but I am eh – re-evaluating a couple of boundaries, at the moment.

      • KingsDaughter

        I’m not sure if this is what you meant by “safe”, but something I’m learning is that not everyone who is nice to you is safe to have a deep relationship with because they either don’t have the tools or the desire to have a healthy relationship.
        I found this helpful in evaluating which relationships are “safe” (especially helpful for a wounded heart!)
        http://www.cloudtownsend.com/safe-people/what-are-safe-people/

      • Anonymous

        Maybe this is “old hat”, but here is maybe something that would help all of us in drawing boundaries for relationships. Make a circle; put a door that opens into the circle and only opens that way. Put yourself inside the circle. You get to open the door to whoever comes in. Let no one in, that you know you cannot really trust, or that you know to be abusive and remember, you can always open the door and ask anyone you’ve let inside the circle, to leave.

        Next make a small circle and put the number 1-3 in it. Then make a bigger circle around that small one and keep making circles until you’ve made about 5 circles total. The 1-3 represents only the number of people in your life, that you would share your most intimate thoughts and pain with. The next circle would include your family, relatives and other very close friends, that are not in that small 1-3 group. The next outer circle would be co-workers, Church friends and people you would call friends, but are not that close to; the next one would be people like neighbors and people close by you; and the last one would be clerks and acquaintances, people you don’t really know. I think that helped me clarify how to set my boundaries better and who to really let in the circle with the door on it.

        Hope that helps some. Praying for you.

    • Heather

      I know how u feel. Its one step forward And two steps back. I am tired like you. I will be praying for you. remember that we can not do it on are own stength but on Gods strength he is carring us through are problems.

      • Thanks, heather. It does seem to always go that way. praying for you too….good things to remember. I keep telling myself that, but somehow I don’t listen to myself very well. XD;

  57. It sounds to me like you have been so excited about the prospect of opening up more honest and transparent communication with your siblings, and perhaps even with your parents, but now it is looking like your siblings are not really wanting to go into the whole thing as deeply as you want to. So you are disappointed and ‘on your own’ again more than you had expected to be. It is hard when those we love don’t want to have a deeper relationship with us, when we are wanting more depth and they aren’t ready for it.

    • Thank you everyone, so much, I really needed….I was just in a really bad place there for a few days, but I am doing much better today, so thank you for praying. History of depression means it is easy for the bad thoughts to take hold when I am knocked down or off balance emotionally, and while I am too stubborn to ever actually follow through on suicidal-ish thoughts, I still struggle with the thought patterns and litanies of self-destructive impulses relentlessly circling through my mind when I get hit with enough triggers and dark moods, especially when I am low on energy and resources to begin with. I have learned that I need to just…reach out to someone, anyone, and say hey, I need help, please pray or talk or distract me, or else I will get pushed further down and take that much longer to fight my way out again. I’m sure some of you know what I mean, so believe me, I am deeply grateful that you all are here to ask that of; I often don’t have anyone I can ask for prayer specifically. You are all such a blessing. :)

      Barbara: It is more that they are all very busy, they have several children each (except for Mart, she is the youngest & the one who is sharing the rental with me since she’s still living at home) and we just….have barely talked about anything in so long that it’s hard to find ways to break out of the default small talk, or even find time to do so. I have been mainly…just checking in with them periodically by (mostly short) phone calls, and I’ve caught them a few times with enough time for a longer conversation, they’re usually willing to listen, but I still feel like I’m struggling to make a real connection, especially with some of the younger ones – Mart aside, I just plain don’t know them as well, because of how I left home as early as I possibly could, and they were all still pretty young then.

      But they’re grown up with lives and homes of their own now, and me not being married or having kids and having taken such a different path to them leaves just…a big gap in common ground. Light superficial small talk we can do, and occasional longer deep serious conversations about the issues with dad and things leftover from growing up in the abusive environment, but I’m having a hard time finding the middle – meaningful everyday conversations that are just….friendship, you know what I mean? Having things to talk about that are neither trivial surface nor ultra-heavy deep and serious, something just…warm and camraderie like. Because after a certain point, our experiences are so different, and our day to day interests and struggles are still like…apples and oranges.

      And since we don’t have any practice in relating to each other and communicating well, it’s all very…not awkward, exactly, but I think a feeling on both sides of sort of helpless bemusement, no real idea where or how to start. So we are trying, but the busy or, in my case, erratic schedules means I never know quite when is a good time to call, and so far the only person who has called me without it being a return to a message I’ve left is my brother. I don’t think it’s that they don’t want to talk, it just….doesn’t occur to them, because I am not a part of their everyday routines, and we mostly don’t have the kind of things in common that would make them think of random things to call and share. It’s just long habits of only talking when we see each other at family gatherings, and changing that takes time and effort.

      So, a bit discouraging when I feel like I am the only one that is making the effort, but I readily admit that I usually have less on my plate in terms of busy-ness than the rest of them. And with some time to recharge and the grace of all your prayers, I think I am good to head back in; just ran out of spoons & crashed into a wall rather messily for a bit there. :’) Thank you everyone, again, for the support. It means more than I can say.

      • I should add, it is especially depression inducing and harder to be trying to forge these sort of friendship relationships at this stage, because when we were younger, growing up we *were* each others best friends. We didn’t have friends outside the home, not even homeschooling friends, and so the three of us oldest ones particularly made a tight unit of doing everything together and genuinely being incredibly close – but once I moved out and had to basically almost cut ties with my parents to start sorting out my issues and finding my feet out of the fog, I lost touch with them and as we got older, everyone gradually drifted apart until we are where we are now; aside from me and Mart, who managed to click hard when I moved back into the area a few years ago, everyone is just kind of….at arms length these days. Well, a couple of them are fairly close with each other, somewhat like Mart and I, but it’s mostly just a few isolated pairs of us, and some of us aren’t close to anyone at all. So part of the kick is grieving for remembering what we did have, and not knowing where to start on how to get it back.

      • That’s hard. :(

      • KingsDaughter

        Kagi, Sweet friend, its OK to feel depressed and need help! Please do not ever apologize for that! We are all a bunch of hot messes and most who look like they have it all together, especially the ones who have it all together so much that they do not recognize those hurting around them, really don’t have it together.
        The fact that you reached out shows great health and maturity! Your pain is just as acceptable as your “togetherness”. IMHO, when you learn to love and accept the messy parts of who you are, you can share them with others who will also love and accept them. That’s how we find safe relationships! That’s what happens here :-)

        I have some random thoughts on what you shared about your physical health ( I’m not a doctor or any sort of expert and you probably know all of this…I’m just a fellow struggler sharing what works for me because I care about you.);
        1-Is there something in your physical environment that is breaking down your immune system? (mold, toxins?) — If so, identify, avoid and detox would help. You could add people to that list of toxins ;-)

        2-Some things to help build your immune sysytem that will help your physical, emotional and spiritual health; Take GOOD care of you!
        Put good things in;
        Physical: exercise, healthy food, vitamins, probiotics & WATER.
        Emotional: Joy, do things that make you smile, journal, cultivate safe relationships where you can love and be loved.
        Spiritual; Find some key verses to take with you when you start to feel discouraged, remember to put on the full armor of God, pray pray pray, feast on The Word (I’m a recovering spiritual anorexic… eating once or twice a week left me famished and grumpy).

        Glad to hear you are feeling better, hope some of this spoke to you!

  58. KD – ahhh, thank you for the link! I think that is what I am meaning, yes. Something like that, anyway.

  59. Thanks for the tips, KD, I have been trying to implement some of them over the past couple of years, some more successful than others. Exercise is a problem because of pain and limited mobility to start with, and I can’t afford much in the way of vitamins and such, I just take one multivitamin plus omega 3 and hope that covers it. I definitely need to drink more water, and have been trying to, but it’s a hard thing to get in the habit of when I am used to mainlining coffee and tea all day, lol.

    I certainly do cultivate relationships and activities that make me happy; for a long time I was guilty about it, because I grew up believing anything that makes you happy or that you do just for fun is worthless and unedifying, and if you are enjoying it, it must be wrong somehow. I got to the point eventually, as an adult, where I was like I’m sick of the joy part missing in this whole ‘righteousness peace and joy’ thing, and decided things that made me feel happy or peaceful were important, even if they weren’t necessarily spiritual.

    I still struggle with reading the Bible; I have a lot of triggers there, but I have a lot of it memorized so I do let God bring verses to mind that are relevant to my situation and hold on to them.

    But anyway, those are all good things I am trying to work on, thank you!

    • KingsDaughter

      Kagi,
      Those were just some things that came to mind and I shared as (hopefully) an encouragement. I know they are nothing we all don’t already know and try to do, so I wasn’t sharing anything “profound”, just thoughts. Thanks for receiving them graciously!
      Water & The Word are my two greatest needs and also two of my biggest defeciencies! I’m often physically thirsty and spiritually anorexic – Just where the devil would like to keep me. Too bad he can’t! ;-)

Trackbacks

  1. To pray for our abusers… or not? (we don’t need to pray for the sin that leads to death) « A Cry For Justice
  2. I see the abuse. I realize I have no boundaries. How do I navigate this? | A Cry For Justice

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