Abuse, Marriage, Divorce, and the Gibeonites – What do You Think?
I would not be at all surprised if some of our readers have heard the argument that God does not permit divorce for abuse because He required the Israelites of Joshua’s day to keep their covenant with the Gibeonites, even though the Gibeonites deceived them. Here is the story as found in Joshua 9. It is a bit lengthy, but please take the time to read it all so that you understand the background. Then, I invite our readers to comment on whether or not this Scripture requires abuse victims to remain in a marriage covenant with an abuser:
Joshua 9:1-27 As soon as all the kings who were beyond the Jordan in the hill country and in the lowland all along the coast of the Great Sea toward Lebanon, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Canaanites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites, heard of this, (2) they gathered together as one to fight against Joshua and Israel. (3) But when the inhabitants of Gibeon heard what Joshua had done to Jericho and to Ai, (4) they on their part acted with cunning and went and made ready provisions and took worn-out sacks for their donkeys, and wineskins, worn-out and torn and mended, (5) with worn-out, patched sandals on their feet, and worn-out clothes. And all their provisions were dry and crumbly.
(6) And they went to Joshua in the camp at Gilgal and said to him and to the men of Israel, “We have come from a distant country, so now make a covenant with us.” (7) But the men of Israel said to the Hivites, “Perhaps you live among us; then how can we make a covenant with you?” (8) They said to Joshua, “We are your servants.” And Joshua said to them, “Who are you? And where do you come from?”
(9) They said to him, “From a very distant country your servants have come, because of the name of the LORD your God. For we have heard a report of him, and all that he did in Egypt, (10) and all that he did to the two kings of the Amorites who were beyond the Jordan, to Sihon the king of Heshbon, and to Og king of Bashan, who lived in Ashtaroth. (11) So our elders and all the inhabitants of our country said to us, ‘Take provisions in your hand for the journey and go to meet them and say to them, “We are your servants. Come now, make a covenant with us.”‘ (12) Here is our bread. It was still warm when we took it from our houses as our food for the journey on the day we set out to come to you, but now, behold, it is dry and crumbly. (13) These wineskins were new when we filled them, and behold, they have burst. And these garments and sandals of ours are worn out from the very long journey.” (14) So the men took some of their provisions, but did not ask counsel from the LORD.
(15) And Joshua made peace with them and made a covenant with them, to let them live, and the leaders of the congregation swore to them. (16) At the end of three days after they had made a covenant with them, they heard that they were their neighbors and that they lived among them. (17) And the people of Israel set out and reached their cities on the third day. Now their cities were Gibeon, Chephirah, Beeroth, and Kiriath-jearim. (18) But the people of Israel did not attack them, because the leaders of the congregation had sworn to them by the LORD, the God of Israel. Then all the congregation murmured against the leaders. (19) But all the leaders said to all the congregation, “We have sworn to them by the LORD, the God of Israel, and now we may not touch them.
(20) This we will do to them: let them live, lest wrath be upon us, because of the oath that we swore to them.” (21) And the leaders said to them, “Let them live.” So they became cutters of wood and drawers of water for all the congregation, just as the leaders had said of them. (22) Joshua summoned them, and he said to them, “Why did you deceive us, saying, ‘We are very far from you,’ when you dwell among us? (23) Now therefore you are cursed, and some of you shall never be anything but servants, cutters of wood and drawers of water for the house of my God.” (24) They answered Joshua, “Because it was told to your servants for a certainty that the LORD your God had commanded his servant Moses to give you all the land and to destroy all the inhabitants of the land from before you–so we feared greatly for our lives because of you and did this thing. (25) And now, behold, we are in your hand. Whatever seems good and right in your sight to do to us, do it.” (26) So he did this to them and delivered them out of the hand of the people of Israel, and they did not kill them. (27) But Joshua made them that day cutters of wood and drawers of water for the congregation and for the altar of the LORD, to this day, in the place that he should choose.
Later, in the days of Saul, we see that the Lord was still holding Israel to that covenant:
2 Samuel 21:1-2 Now there was a famine in the days of David for three years, year after year. And David sought the face of the LORD. And the LORD said, “There is bloodguilt on Saul and on his house, because he put the Gibeonites to death.” (2) So the king called the Gibeonites and spoke to them. Now the Gibeonites were not of the people of Israel but of the remnant of the Amorites. Although the people of Israel had sworn to spare them, Saul had sought to strike them down in his zeal for the people of Israel and Judah.
As I mentioned, this incident has been used to argue that covenants, such as a marriage covenant, are to remain unbroken, even if they were made with deception (as most if not all abusers do when they take their vows), and no matter what harm is being worked upon the victim of the abuser/deceiver. Is this true? God, after all, did hold Israel to this covenant made with deception. Perhaps it really is His will that covenants are always to remain in effect even to our own harm?
What do you think? I await your insights and comments.
- Posted in: Christianity
- Tagged: church response to abuse, divorce, interpreting Scripture, Jeff Crippen, Joshua
Yes, Israel made a covenant with the Gibeonites. That covenant was cut in opposition to God’s direction to Israel, and was based on deception. Yet Israel honored their covenant, and it is clear that God looked with favor upon Israel’s keeping of their covenant vows. God even made the sun stand still for the battle in which Israel came to the aid of their covenant partners.
This story clearly demonstrates the power of covenant vows, even when entered into under deception. It also shows us much of God’s view of covenant, and the importance of keeping covenant vows.
However, it is important to note that the Gibeonites kept their covenant vows to Israel. Yes, they used deception to persuade Israel to enter into covenant with them. However, once the covenant was cut, the Gibeonites kept their vows.
This cannot be reasonably compared to an abuse situation where the abuser repeatedly and intentionally violates the covenant vows to love, honor, cherish, and forsake all others, choosing, instead, to use the covenant relationship as an opportunity to wound, dishonor, abuse, neglect, and enslave.
For an Old Testament example of a covenant of abusive bondage, look at Israel and Egypt in the story of The Great Exodus. God redeemed Israel from their covenant of bondage to Egypt!
Good observations, Joe. Yes, the Gibeonites kept their covenant. Also, I find it interesting that their deception originally was actually based upon faith in the God of Israel. They feared Him, unlike the majority of their pagan neighbors who were gathering together to fight Israel. They acted with “cunning” and shrewdness. It is interesting that, in relation to this, the Lord Jesus told the parable of the shrewd servant:
Luke 16:8-9 The master commended the dishonest manager for his shrewdness. For the sons of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own generation than the sons of light. (9) And I tell you, make friends for yourselves by means of unrighteous wealth, so that when it fails they may receive you into the eternal dwellings.
Perhaps Jesus had the Gibeonites in mind? At any rate, the Gibeonites, as you noted, were really in no way comparable to the motivation and tactics of the abuser who hard-heartedly and persistently violates the marriage covenant.
“their deception originally was actually based upon faith in the God of Israel”
Interesting! I’d never thought of it that way, but it’s true. They were convinced that the God of Israel was unstoppable, which is why they feared Him, which is why they deceived Israel into cutting a covenant with them.
Maybe not the best approach, but at least their motivation was in the right direction. Also, they clearly respected both the power and sanctity of covenant.
“As I mentioned, this incident has been used to argue that covenants, such as a marriage covenant, are to remain unbroken, even if they were made with deception (as most if not all abusers do when they take their vows), and no matter what harm is being worked upon the victim of the abuser/deceiver.”
The covenant was made with deception. That is the only similarity. There is no evidence that Israel would have been required to keep the covenant if it was to their harm. It says in verse 25 that the Gibeonites submitted themselves to the Israelites, asking them to do WHATEVER they thought was suitable to them. This is hardly the case with a perpetrator and a victim.
Well said!
When I left my first husband and began attending church and walking as a Christian for the first time in my life – I’d been born again years before, but got lost in the wilderness – I was told by a female assistant pastor that I couldn’t divorce my abusive husband. She gave, as her reason, this story about the Gibeonites, saying that no matter how much deception took place when covenant was first entered into, God witnessed the formation of that covenant and expected his people to honor it, as shown by how he was angry at Saul for breaking that covenant centuries later.
I was so convinced (and cowed) by this teaching that I gave up any notion of divorcing my husband. I set my mind to acclimatising myself to living in limbo (separated but not divorced) for the rest of my life. And when he made a profession of faith (phoney, I now realise) four years later, I ended up reconciling with him, only to suffer more abuse and have to separate again – which caused incredible anguish to our daughter.
I now believe that God expected the Israelites to honor their covenant with the Gibeonites because the Gibeonites had NOT violated the covenant after it was made. Although they were dishonest in enticing the Israelites into the covenant, they did not violate it once made. Contrast this with an abuser. He (or she) violates their covenant promises over and over, despite all attempts to bring them to repentance and reformation.
If, after the covenant had been made, the Gibeonites had repeatedly violated their agreement with the Israelites, God would not have been concerned about Saul disregarding the covenant promises, because the covenant would have already been broken by the Gibeonites.
Thanks for the real-life illustration, Barbara. I would bet that there are quite a few others who have had the Gibeonite covenant thrown on them just as it was put upon you. Getting a handle on it now could save people a lot of pain and suffering in the future.
I don’t understand, and I have questions about this. We are talking about the Gibeonites, the Israelites, and the Old Testament God of punishment and vindication. The same God who used fear to instill faith, and yet still sent his only Son to save our sorry hides. How can the old covenant be used as proof that marriage is and forever will be no matter what deceptions occur or when? Hasn’t Christ provided us with a different covenant, one of love, grace, and mercy?
TW- We do not agree that the account of the Gibeonites can correctly be applied to a marriage covenant in order to argue that divorce is prohibited no matter what. Unfortunately, this Scripture is often used by people to make that claim. That is what we want to refute in this article.
Now, in regard to the God of the Old and New Covenants, it is vital that we understand He has not changed and never will. It is the unchanging character and being of God that makes all Scripture, both Old and new Testaments, applicable to us today. It is the covenants that differ, not God. And yet the two covenants are not totally unrelated and separate. The New Covenant grows out of the Old, and the Old is always pointing to the New. The Law of God remains unchanged in both covenants. It still has its holy demands and, apart from Christ, condemns the sinner. That is why we need Christ. He came and met perfectly the demands of the Law so that His perfect righteousness is assigned to all who trust and believe in Him. At the same time, our sins go to Him on the cross.
But the Old Testament Scriptures are nevertheless very valuable and applicable to us today. 2 Tim 3:16 for example says that “all Scripture” is God’s Word and profitable for us, and that Scripture being referred to is the Old Testament, as the NT had not yet been written. 1 Corinthians 10 points to the experience of the Israelites in the wilderness and says that those things happened for our instruction. And when Jesus was asked about marriage and divorce, He immediately went right back to Genesis to tell us what God’s original and abiding intent for marriage was and is.
So it isn’t enough to just say that the account of the Gibeonites took place in the Old Testament and therefore is not applicable to us. We must look for other reasons, as we have seen here in other comments. Namely, that the Gibeonites kept their end of the bargain. In fact, they actually made this covenant “deceptively and yet in faith” in the God of Israel and He honored that.
I agree this isn’t a good example of why a covenant shouldn’t be broken. I’ve been mistaken about the OT as “the other God.” I’ll expand in the new post. I’m so grateful for this opportunity to ask questions and learn without, well, without my ex-husband’s usual, “you should already know this” and leaves it at that, response.
Dear Tending Weeds. Thanks for asking your question! I’m sure some of our other readers will have puzzled over this question as well.
[I have reposted TW's question in new post here, as I think it will be of interest to many other readers.]
T.W., I was helped very much when I read somewhere “There is continuity and discontinuity between the Old and New Testaments.”
I don’t see the God of the Old Testament as a different God from the God of the New Testament. In the OT, God gave people instructions, commandments, precepts, and case laws to act as guidelines for administering justice in the nation of Israel. Knowing that mankind had fallen into sin, he made provision for forgiveness of sin through the sacrificial system. Those who followed those provisions with repentance and faith were forgiven because, in those animal sacrifices, the ultimate sacrifice (Christ on the cross) was being represented. True believers, like David, looked forward by faith to the promised Messiah, and thereby found mercy and forgiveness from Yahweh.
In the OT God did not rule simply by fear, he ruled in just the same way he rules now. He set forth his commands and laws, his demand for righteousness and penalties for disobedience. He knew people would never in themselves measure up to his demand for righteousness, and he provided mercy and forgiveness for sins through faith in the atoning sacrifice of the Messiah. The people in the OT heard many things about the coming Messiah, the holy one of David, the ‘prophet like me’ that Moses foretold, the righteous branch, the cut up carcasses that Abraham saw in his dream/vision; etc, etc. They knew that all these things pointed to ONE Messiah.
In the NT God rules just the same way: he sets forth his demand for righteousness and warns of penalties for disobedience (chastisement, excommunication for those who have called themselves believers, and ultimately, Hell). He knows that people will never in themselves measure up to his demand for righteousness, and he provides mercy and forgiveness for sins through faith in the atoning sacrifice of Jesus. We see more clearly than the people in the OT could, because but they looked forward to Messiah, but we look back on Jesus, we know much more about his life, and we have his teaching and the teaching of his apostles. But none of that teaching undoes or contradicts the ethical teaching in the Old Testament.
There is still wisdom in fearing God today; fear of God was not just for OT times. Those who don’t fear God today are lawless phoney believers, and it’s them who are doing so much damage in the church.
There is most definately still wisdom in fearing God today. False faith finds no place in his Kingdom.
I’ve never taken the time to understand the differences between OT & NT God are not there, except that we, like you said, have hindsight, plus Christ as a Big Brother willing to go to our Father for us for our trespasses.
I think. I’m still working on knowledge and confidence in my independent thinking.
Thank you for the same reason I thanked Mr. Crippen.
Reading the passage again (then some more), I see the deception, and I see Joshua discovered the deception, confirmed it,and confronted the deceivers. The Gibeonites admitted and accepted their just punishment, a life of labor. The difference I perceive is admission of sin, request and acceptance of forgiveness, and readiness to remediate their behavior, something altogether impossible for the average abuser.
As sinners we sin, God knows, and if we ask for forgiveness and repent, we have His grace and mercy. If we ask for forgiveness and re-sin, the deception stands, and God looses favor (I don’t know if that’s the right way to express that).
I agree this passage isn’t a valid argument to keep an abused spouse in an abusive marriage since the abuser clearly isn’t going to admit, repent, or in any way ease the daily burdens of the abusee.
Yes, very good observations. I would not be at all surprised that if you are around Christians who are in abusive relationships that you will hear stories of other Christians pulling this Gibeonite incident out to try to prove to the victim that she cannot divorce her abuser.
I hope I am within hearing distance of this arguement, and I will share this post.
Tending Weeds, in what you wrote just above, you’ve shown yourself to be an excellent interpreter of the OT story. All strength to your arm, and I hope we hear more of your scriptural insights!